Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Trash # 373

TA was RA so I don't remember too much of the circle due to lack of availability of time travel. I'll have a go and make up what I don't remember.
Hares were Incontinence - I think he prefers Fucking Incontinence - and Faucet (does anyone even realise that Faucet = Force It?) set a pretty tame run through old Broome. To liven things up there was a surprise hash holt at Tight Arse's, surprise of course, to everyone including the hares, but not to TA.
The run was standard, lots of checks and on backs, plus four fish hooks. Ring Sting was very excited about the fish hooks. Some people got all the fish hooks and weren't too happy about it. They also had to do 30 push ups for Game of Life. F*(&ing Back Door. If anyone can get Back Door at GOL Quickie will give you $50.
The group stayed together which was nice. Walkers strolled around somewhere - I don't really know what they do, the walkers. Sometimes I think they just gather with their dogs, drink cocktails and talk about how stupid the runners are. Speaking of stupid, Dirty ran in a cast, holding his left arm aloft after another hash boating incident. That's three in the last month and not a fish or crab to show for it ... where is Stationery Crab? And Paralytic Turtle?
On on back to Force It's. The circle first up brought out the people not in the paper for the red dress run, surprisingly - given the full page article - there was @12. I think there was one more, but I don't like odd numbers and can't write it down as an odd number so we'll just call it 12. That'll test who reads the blog. Psycho's.
Virgins - there was one tall guy with a six pack without a shirt who danced around the inca stone. He was pretty good. In the photo's there were more people, but I don't remember any of them ... Yawn was yelling in my ear something about getting knickers off someone. The tall guy didn't have a shirt on. He had a six pack. He danced ok ... I think he was from Adelaide because on the run he had a Crow's shirt on, but then he took it off and he had a six pack. No shirt. Six pack. Tall. NO SHIRT. SIX PACK. Oh that reminds me, Backpage is back next week. He might be able to grow a beard before then.
Drug Hooker was on an ice chair. I actually can't remember why, but she's cute and brought two virgins.
Umm .. then there were charges. It got confusing. People fell in the pool.
Anal was butler, with a very happy Slocum; then Chapped Lips and Scrotum Tennis. And then Back Door, actually I think he was around the time of Anal which makes sense.
Hopeless Shag ... is still here incognito with his shaven face. He says he'll be off to Darwin tomorrow, but I reckon if we're all happy to chuck in we can keep him around. We could sponsor him as our little hash mascot. Anal, Back Door, Scrotum Tennis, Super Sperm, Dirty Sanchez & Force It ... we all want him to stay, yeah? We can keep him in the cellar. I'm pretty sure he lives on beer anyway.
I can't think of anything else. TA gave himself a few down downs. As you do. Quickie yelled at some people for not recycling, as usual. And promised to demonstrate the awkward turtle, confused palm trees and awkward sex when next drunk.
The pool was wet. The nosh was good. The camera card is full and Lord knows the incriminating stuff hash flash has on it.
On on til next week.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Run # 373 Feb 24th

Faucet and Incontinance request the pleasure of your company at 10 Stewart Street on Monday the 24th of February at 6.00pm
Following formalities a meal will be served
Guests are reminded to bring a towel should they choose to bathe
A nominal fee of $5 for the run and $5 for the meal will be required.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Trash # 372

Two Scoops, Half Tit and Dirty Bitch al la Café D’Amore. Sounds exciting but was shit. Everyone turned up without a reservation and the place was overflowing. A flower encrusted Dirty Bitch said she just laid the trail in flour but the reality was there were lines and blotches and splats and humps of flour all the way to the Yamashitta Suckerfish Stolen Bike Memorial Shelter in Demco. Supposedly a Hash Halt but no beer???? We waited a while then took off to find Half Tit screaming down the road with the esky in her car. Sort of Déjà vu ish but we stopped on the side of the road for a quickie and then headed off.  The flour trial was a little dodgy on the second half but most of us ended up at the on home which was the furtherest point from the start. I’m sure Dirty Bitch was having a bit of a chuckle when she marked the on home. Local knowledge allowed some people to shortcut home faster than others.
Crackdiver was the Maître D for the evening and did a shit job of controlling the unruly mob of patrons. The hares went first followed by a couple of Virgins who not only had to dance around the stone but also Hopeless Shag on ice. The girls were just starting and he was on his way out.  Lucky they weren’t dancing for their supper! Hopeless Shag’s departure to Darwin is no real loss although if he lived up to his name then he made a lot of the guys who are staying appear better than they probably are. There were a few returnees crawl out of the woodwork for the evening, probably entice by the Cafe of Love location. Suckers. They were given down downs for their pitiful excuses. There were a few charges for hats in the circle and new shoes as well as media appearances and weekend misdemeanours.
The menu at Café D’Amore is pretty good but unfortunately they weren’t catering so we just had to eat the shit the girls served up. There seemed to be enough to feed the crowd and no-one died so I guess all was good. And there was that thing Dirty did with the flowers???
Next week another icon location. See you there. OnOn

Broome Advertiser 20 Feb

Monday, February 17, 2014

Run # 372 Feb 17th


Run ‪#‎373ish‬ - Monday 17th of Feb
Hares: Dirty Bitch, Half Tit, Two Scoops
Where: Cafe D'Amore, Jones Place, Old Broome...
Time: same same 1745 for 1800
Nosh: I got ma hoes on it.
Dogs: completely welcome and probably a good idea given we're running through the Bronx.

See y'all there! On on!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Trash # 371 Red Dress

Well last Monday night it was raining women in Roebuck. Well it was actually raining rain as well and you can’t really say hash guys are girls, well actually they were all wearing red dresses and ran in the rain but then so did the girls. One night in a dress and I’m waffling on like a woman. Fanta Pants, Razor Tits and No Name Erina took on the Broome Annual Valentine Dayish Red Dress Chairty Run and did a pretty shit job of it. The 38 people who turned up were bitterly disappointed. After several attempts at a group photo it was off after the live hares who had basically just set a ribbon run to the Zoo Bar. Not sure what the patrons thought as a gaggle of wet bedraggled hashers walked though the restaurant to the bar. I guess it was akin to a fashion parade. There were a few hot bods but then a few total opposites. From the Zee it was back to FP house for a rowdy circle. Would expect no less when there were only women there. Sort of like the reverse of the Monty Python “are there any women here?” skit. Faucet was RA and tried to get some sort of control. The enforcers were in fine form but relatively useless as we were all wet anyway and some bitch with a plastic umbrella was just calling to be shot at. There were a few virgins that Half Tit pulled out of her cupboard and brought along. A few returnees were put on there knees and we had a couple of special people who got to sit down for the whole circle. Young Cock who’s off yet again somewhere and old Crackdiver who finally rolled over 50 (that’s runs, not cars).
As the night was a fundraiser we decided to give the proceeds to the same young boy we gave it to last year. Matt Seraza. He has Cerebral Palsy amongst other things and his parents have no access to the free health System that we do so they are very grateful for any help. Matt’s mum Monette came to hash last year to thank us all which was really lovely and humbling. Anyway I drifted off into reality there for a second to lead in to Hopeless Shag who offered up part of his body to raise extra funds for Matt. While he did have a pretty dress it was his hairy bit that was of value. Lots of people chipped in with money, scissors and a set of clippers to remove his beard and release the inner Mexican. $500 bucks. Good effort. Speaking of good effort the food was shit. Some sort swiss curry and Quickie had her finger in it somewhere and a big flash cake for FPs Birthday during the week and Jelly Shots and Love Heart chocolates and then some idiot brought out a can of spray cream. Why would you do that? Anyway they won’t do it again and apparently some people still smell like cream. Not that I know who’s snffin who these days.
Grand Total raised 1K
Well done guys and girls and guys dressed as girls and guys who tried to look like girls and those that will never look like a girl and here I go again. It’s the dress. I’d better take it off. On On.
Oh and the photos are shit and also we had a reporter there from the paper so maybe her photos will be better?

Monday, February 10, 2014

Trash # 370

It has to be a bit scary when you let Nutcracker loose with a virgin hare Drug Hooker, a No name Bec and then nearly 40 people turn up for the run. Maybe it was the appeal of roaming about Roebuck that drew them in or they just wanted to eat Nutcrackers humble pie. Or maybe it was to celebrate Quickie's 150th run which we kept as a surprise until she brought it up at the end. Or perhaps it was just the hot sticky weather and the ice cold Corona's and the fact that hash people are a bit odd anyway. I'll go with the last option. The run was shit and had just the right amount of arrows and checks. It was almost as if she had received advice from some awesome hash guru. No Hash Holt which upset a few and no "on home" which wasn't even noticed as there were so many walkers and short cutting bastards.
Tightarse led the circle. He was in fine form. In his usual style of handing out humorous remarks and then waiting until someone laughed before proceeding. Considering there were so many people and six virgins who feel compelled to laugh then we didn't have to wait so long. Doggie had a go and getting a laugh and the only reason he didn't get enforced was the he was holding the hose.
The virgins got to dance around a flash stone, still glowing from the recent volcanic eruption in Machu Pichu. There were only a few dodgy charges as the pickings were slim.
There was no spare ice to give Quickie an ice chair but some frozen berries were located and placed appropriately. They didn't look berry cold put were pretty. After 150 hash runs Quickie seemed to have forgotten more than she remembered but we toasted her all the same. Early onset dementia is a disability and we at hash don't laugh about that sort of stuff. Well Done.
Somehow Nutcracker managed to feed the masses well on healthy food and a miserly budget and with coronas for desert everyone probably went home happy and thinking about what to wear to next weeks "Red Dress Run" on on til then.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Run # 371 Feb 10th

Rose's are Red, Violets are Blue.
Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

Monday - February 10th.. 5.45pm...
6 Bronzewing Cres, Roey Estate.
Bring Swimmers.
Please No Dogs.

On On
Razortits, Fanta Pants and No Nome Erina
Early notice to get your frocks out!

Monday, February 3, 2014

Run # 370 Feb 3rd

Monday - 3rd feb
Hares: Drug hooker, Nutcracker & no name bec
Where: 53 Planigale Loop, Roebuck
Time 5.45 for 6pm run or until faucet makes his appearance
food and beers are a go

and no dogs(sorry)
on on