Thursday, May 23, 2013

Trash # 333

Sometimes people just miss out on a really shit run. Okay so the Gibb was on and that swallowed a few and it was raining but hey, it is May after all and where were the rest of you? Hippy Shagger, Half Tit and Slowcum made an effort to make a memorable run, starting with paint markers that should keep the trail fresh for a while. And those bits of construction tape adorning the trees on the highway don’t look like decomposing any time soon. And then there’s the stories that are probably still winding there way around 4 mile about the satanic cult hiding in the Melaleuca quinquenervia when it was really only a bunch of hashers having a hash halt around a floating fire while ankle deep in a paddock of water. I’m sure that’s what the guy thought when he stopped, backed up and then sped off. They wouldn’t have found any tracks next morning as we headed south through even deeper water and mud before coming out in the middle of nowhere to find an On Home and no fucking idea where we were or which direction to head. And where was Doggie? Off riding a bicycle! Being lost is a good way to keep the pack together I guess. And 3ks isn’t that long for an on home anyway. Back at Cult Central, there was a circle lead by Tightarse who either forgot which cult night it was or was dressed in the latest May fashion. I’m guessing most people made it back or drowned in the swamp but all the same it was a small cosy circle. In a classic example of size doesn’t matter, I can’t remember the charges in a small circle or a big one either. But there were some charges. No shirts was one. A girl drank out of a shoe. Sorry girl, it's late and I can't remeber your name. (that's funny I recall using that line before). HS sat out the circle on an ice chair and I’m guessing it either shrivelled up or snuck in the closest hole to keep warm as it was a cold night and lots of ice and speedy tightarse was taking his time. So no Shagging for Hippie that night. The food was as shit as the run. Cajun Chicken, Thai Chicken and fancy salad with freshly roasted pine nuts. Then home baked cakey things with mouth burning jam inside to spread a little testosterone around. Everything totally shit but at least it didn’t rain! 

Just noticed it was run 333 which is half of run 666. Wow that's a cult sign if I ever saw one. I also just remembered that the testicle on the barbed wire fence was not part of the ritual, it was just that Techniclour Yawn had a little trouble getting through the fence into the swamp.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Run # 333 May 20th

Hey Hashers!!! Details for Monday 20th May!!!

Venue is at 530 Broome Hwy, next to Oasis B+B.
There are 2 driveways next to each other, take the one that is closest to Broome and turn right, plenty parking where the big white shed is.
Bring torches.
Usual time.

On On,
Half Tit

Friday, May 17, 2013

Trash # 332 from Ms Q

Run # 314. Good run. Nothing interesting happened. 6km with a hash halt. Corona's. No bottle opener. The newer hashers got lost / cheated / didn't care, but still found the hash halt. Dirty and Quickie were economical runners and skipped running several loop roads that fooled less skilled hashers. Super Turd ran against the arrows. After being on a small boat with five men, no deck space and no toilet for 10 days he seemed confused (two weeks away and no down down?).

No Roebuck Primary School tour sadly. It's been awhile.

Enough about the run. Logistics. Or Men vs Women. Crack Diver put his hand up for the run. Typically, he delegated food to Razor Tits and setting the run to Dirty Bitch while he sat back with a beer. Feminism triumphed and Crack Diver cooked, set the run and presumably cleaned up. In the dark. Naked. Okay probably not naked.

The lights went out (water & electricity enforcer's?). Incidentally, best time for a power outage. Lights out, immediately 30 torches come on. Ok, only the ten hashers who remembered their torches turned them on. Nb: Cock Up carried a dolphin torch the whole run. That's how they did it back in the day. Working arms and legs. Which might explain why he was stretching after the run.

Halfarse is a sparky. He did something on a ladder.

Hash nosh a curry. Chicken and an unnecessary vego option.

What else? Crack Diver confiscated the hula hoop we found in his shed in case it got 'damaged'. It was pretty. Not before most male hashers gave it a swing. Hippy hula hooped while downing a beer. He and Half Tit showed up late and (maybe) drunk. Dominated the circle again with several down down stories from the week. About each other.

Camel Toe RA'd. Dirty got a second b'day down down in a red hat with 2 beer hoses. Turd got one for a stolen engel that he lent to someone. Slocum invited everyone to an orgasm party. Sorry Slocum, I can't come.

One virgin. He danced. Around Faucine's birth stone. Where was Faucine?

Also, are we a bike hash now? Counted 15+ bikes, plus a motorbike. 

Trash # 331

Octopussy and Pusher decided it would be fun to dress us all up in Pink, take our money and give it to the breast people. Sounds fair, we all care about breasts. I was just thinking about breasts and glad that I don’t have big ones, especially when the run is about 8k’s. Although if I did have big breasts I would probably check them regularly. It’s the right thing to do. I also just had another thought about breasts and how hash has lots of girls with breast (or its colloquial equivalent) in their name. I think we put a ban on that now though. You can only have so many breasts. It’s interesting that so many animals have multiple amounts of them. Well it’s not really that interesting but I just thought I’d mention it anyway. There are lots of jokes about breasts but now seems an appropriate time to move on to the run. Shit. And now the circle. No back to the run and the Skate Park Halt. What the hell were Backpage and Tightarse looking at? If it was the photo of WSB then I can understand it. Slangs Bitch seem to be checking out his own breast in one photos and then have a look at the view the newly christened Pink Schmeer had of our gopro headed GM. Hippy Shagger showed us how handy Half Tit is in the kitchen. Good luck there! What else? The food was good but not that I would say that and there were pretty pink cupcakes of the edible kind. A few of us were naughty and ate them before the main course. We are pretty wicked at hash sometimes. Think I’m losing it. No no no, wait, there was one more thing. We almost forgot on the night as well but Octopussy finally made it to 100 runs. In a Broome Hash first, the circle was reformed and Octo was welcomed to the hall of fame and will now be immortalised forever by getting a plaque stuck on the lid of the esky. And she,they,we raised $250 for the BCRF.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Trash # 327,328,329,330

So for some obscure reason I’ve slipped five weeks behind in the blogs. I’m obviously easily distracted but then I do have a photographic memory or at least a camera and computer full of photos so now’s catch up time. It’s actually a nice time to do a run comparison so why not compare runs 327, 328, 329 and 330. I’m not technically behind on 331 yet so I might do that separate as it was the pink run and there’s a great shot of WSB checking his own tits. So first we should thank all the hares, Hippy Shagger, Tightarse, Quickie, Crackdiver, Jiggly Tits, Cameltoe and Cock in a Frock.

 So for distance, originality and hash halts we’d have to give it to 327. Remember the halt on the back end of Crab Creek and the trail with the little pieces of “mother hash” paper and then the mighty plumbers Faucet and Superturd (with broken rib) toughed it out and ran on alone to find the on home plastered to the side of a Corona carton several kilometres after everyone else had turned back. Distance unknown, the Turd phone couldn’t keep up. For short run and stupidity it has to go to 328. If I said bus you’d catch on? Yep, great idea, put hashers on bus and send them along way away and mak’em run home. No arrows, no work. Next time the hare should at least hang around the bus stop with beer until the bus eventually turns up. Fail. 4km short run including 2 impromptu laps of Matsos block. And it also scores low with the first hash halt less than a K from the start.

The prettiest or most formal run has to go to 329. There was a few bucks worth of flash wedding dresses on show that night. Broome Hashers seem to be able to pull things out of cupboard when the occasion arises and there’s the odd never again white dress available. Fucking expensive hash costumes but worn with empathy by others who understand or by those who are yet to find out. Change subject. And for the classic hash run set by one of the older, young hashers 330 stands out. I should mention here that I followed the whole, well marked trail and was first back and besides an opportunity to brag I also brought this up to mention the fact that WSB and Yama got back half an hour later than everyone else (even the walkers). Now those 2 have done a few runs between them and are renowned marathon runners. Not that I’m making accusations but remember how that night it was a bit chilly in Minyirr Park and the moon was full and the sand dunes high, the sand soft…. Better stop or I’ll be giving Hippy Shagger one of those chubby things he’s always facebooking about.

 The best Circle. That’s a hard one. Faucet ran one and Cock the other 3. Although one of them he was cockinaflashweddingdress. He was wearing shorts underneath as a couple of us took an upskirt shot while he was waffling. The best in circle entertainment would have to be 328 and the Doggie “jog on the spot machine”. Crack and Quickie earned back some respect as they jogged for what seemed hours without actually going anywhere. I think it’s still for sale if you need a piece of unique sporting equipment. There was also the Dirty lap dance for Stationary Crabs 69th Run and Cockup also clocked up 150 runs on that night. No lap dance for him though. The hardest to get rid of hasher award had to go to Slasher as he was like herpes and kept coming back. That’s herpes the condition not Herpes the cute bird who just appears occasionally. I think at the 330 when we sung Fuck off really slowly he got the message.

 There’s actually a lot of shit happens on each run as I look through the photos but I know you can read only so much text so I’ll finish with the food.

  My vote goes to 329 with the lamb kebabby things. Not sure if they were from live export, anti live export, roadkill or just left overs that Semi brought home from work but the meat was pretty yummy. If there is a heaven I wonder how they deal with all that killing animal shit. Maybe it’s all vegan up there. I think this is going to have to end as I have this craving for lamb chops. Off to Coles for me. Sorry one more thing. Why was there fairy bread on 327? The kids seemed to like it though. Lamb chops cooked quickly on a hot BBQ and maybe some Bok Choy and a nice nuked spud with a little bit of butter and a cob of corn. Okay. Done. And salt and pepper of course.


Shit formatting but I'm tired now