Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Trash #304

Come onnn, what the fuck was that all about Bestiality and Jiggly Tits? Virgin hares usually just set shit runs not entry tests for the French Foreign Legion. 8 k’s of slopey soft sand with no options for short cutting as we ran through Broome South Estate with Cracker lagging at the back taking notes.  If one of us had died on the trail it would have been a really weird job for the cops to sort out if it was natural causes or one of the weirdo dressed up hashers who did the deed. Dress ups bring out the scary people. Not that I would personally mention Doggie, Cockpit, Booboo or Stork. I mean there would have been reliable people as witnesses like the pumpkin twins and several witchy hatted people.  I must admit the props along the trail were good, lots of webs and spiders and the full moon looked remarkably real. Did I mention it was a Halloween run? People made it back in varying states of exhaustion and quickly filled the pool and strew themselves across the lawn except the walkers who seemed less wet and slimier than the rest of us. The ever entertaining Butterbitch got everyone up for the circle. If everyone made it back, there was about 40 people. The hares got off lightly as my suggestion of stakes and rope seemed to be passed by. Bestiality did a great job with the pipe and the newly christened Jiggly Tits seemed to take a liking to the shit run toilet seat and wore it all night and so she should have. There were a few returnees like Braziallan Coathanger, Doggie Style and the girl who fell over whose name I can’t remember. Sorry girl who fell over. We had 4 virgins who were compelled to entertain us after Butterbitchs extensive story about the rock and candelabra. Slasher had a birthday and Inseminator was in the media or her dog was. Same thing. The people who dressed up got to go in the circle and do weird jelly shots with eyeball things in them. Didn’t have my glasses, There were 3 namings with Jiggly Titts, Discharge and Pussy (the dodgy substance not the other thing) getting christened by BB. That was it really. The food was shit, Lasagne, garlic bread and rabbit food but in abundance. Was going to write that it was a trick and treat run. The run was the trick and the food a treat but that sounded as lame as it was. On on.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Run# 304 October 29th

Run #304 on 29th Oct

Virgin Hares... (you can tell, because they've said please!): Beastiality and No Name RhiRhi

Next weeks hash is kind of Halloweeni themed... (??KIND OF - LIKE ONLY WEAR HALF A COSTUME??)

Address: Landmark - at 1 archer st, second gate will be open, plenty of verge parking
6pm start!
Please bring head lamp/ head torch/ something to light your way coz we are bush bashing
There will be food...

On On

Trash #303

Same shit different side of the street. Who was that girl who stopped Faucet getting to Hash on time and almost ended up feeling ran down? All happened pretty fast. Anyway blog, despite Barge’s little b arrows littering the streets, Octopussy and Pusher managed to be able to set their own shit run without running all the same streets which was pretty amazing as Barge’s run was so huge I thought there was no clean streets left. There was a hash halt which a few people straggled into as the rest of us had just finished our beers. The on home from there wasn’t too arduous or too difficult for the mob that got lost on the first bit. Did you know the correct answer to “does my arse look fat in this?” is always no! This has nothing to do with anything but it just occurred to me. The circle was run by Warwick Slangs Bitch and a couple of over zealous enforcers with ice water. The hares were up first and got what they deserved. Butterbitch and Perky were back from China, Grunter back from popping out a kid and I think it was Cockpit back from, I don’t know. Actually that’s a really weird word when you think of it etymologically. Cockpit. How did that come about? What happens now that girls can fly planes too? Mmmm. We had a few virgins for a change who entertained us dancing around the ancient Machu Pichean candelabra and then later I think one of them had to do a down down out of her new shoe. Bit rough on your first time to hash. Enough weirdness goes on anyway. There were a few dodgy charges with Fanta Pants, Faucet, Dirty Sanchez, Superturd and Tightarse all up there for something. There was a quick recap of that song from Derby, which will remain nameless and that’s about it really. The food was shit as usual with baked potatoes with shit on them and brown stuff for desert. The toaster is calling my name. OnOn.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Run # 303 October 22

Howdy Hashers,

22nd Oct run details.......................

Hares: Octopussy & Pusher

Where: 10 Mackie Place - about 30m from last week's Hare!
Why: because Pusher has a pool. Bring a towel. And bathers (CIAF)

Nosh: food and also for non-meateaters!

On on
Inseminator :)

The Trash #302

It was the turn of old Bargey and young no name heath to set the run and I’m sure he learned a thing or two. The run was long and arduous and short on chalk. I ended up in the mob that did 8.6km and still ended up shortcutting on home. I must say though if you wanted to discoverer the myriad of laneways on offer in Cable Beach then this was the run for you. We also had quite a few walkers and the number of people on crutches doubled as Crackdiver joined Cock with a broken toe from the Derby 600th. Don’t ask. Cock ran the circle again and made sure a few stories from the Derby weekend came out, but I know a few that didn’t and here would be a great place to bring them up. But I won’t. Unfortunately this year none of them involved me. I should do a Derby blog but…. The hares got to take the first down down with NNH in a dress? and Barge drinking from a crutch. Bet she hadn’t done that for a while. We didn’t have any virgins or visitors again but did have a few returnees. There was a great interlude of “my garden shed” which would have to be the most invasive, stupid, ridiculous song I have stored in my brain. I may need to have it surgically removed. I’m sure I’m not alone and a few of you from the Derby trip are humming it now. Actually it would be a catchy tune for the new Broome Hash Song. Back in the circle Crackdiver got a nice cool seat as did Padam for his weekend antics. He was finally christened Padam along with two others who probably also owe their names to the Derby 600th. Hippy Shagger was pretty aptly named but won’t go there, he did have a great outfit and Bestiality probably regrets telling the circle she loves all animals. We actually have a song about that too and attempted a couple of choruses in true Broome style. We definitely don’t have any potential competitors for “Australia’s got Talent” amongst our crew. The food was shit as you would expect at the Barge house but it complemented the amenity and the patrons. The toast is calling and I have heaps of shit to do. Turn up next week or you miss out. On on.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Run #302 October 15th

Hare's No Name Heath & Bargey

The place to be on monday night 7 Mackie Place, Cable Bch

Spa will be available for use with massage chair to soothe your hangover from the weekend...bring a towel or drip dry

Have a fab weekend and see you monday night, can't wait to hear the stories, stay safe

On On & On all weekend long

The Trash #301

It was Inseminator who suggested that a run set by Superturd and Bubbles sounded like something out of a septic tank. She was right. Shit. At least the quality of the run was consistent with the markings. A fist for an on, a superman logo without the s for a check and a superman logo with the s for an on back and yes, a KXIII for a fishhook. They did keep the pack together though; confusion often does that, as does a hash halt. The wets season is sneaking up so the mid run beers go down pretty easy. The on home was more of an intelligence test with the smart people getting back way earlier than the tossers who took Sanderling. I was back early as you probably would have already guessed. The cripple guy ran the circle again seeing our charter demands non-discrimination against people who fall over. Actually Cock-up and I think Roofie both fell over on the run but only suffered a dirty leg and a down down. Two of the girls were leaving town. Can’t remember their hash names or even their real names for that matter but they seemed to be getting lots of big hugs from the boys???? They had special chairs and a nice song and Superturd gernied them a little. As he did the hash mugs. Boo boo made one and wore his new shoes and pretty ones they were too. So he drank his down down out of them/it. We had Silver up from down south as he passes through to Derby. Not sure how he got his name as he wouldn’t have had silver hair when he started running back in the 30’s. We had a couple of virgins and danced them around silver on a chair, sort of wanted to write silverchair then but resisted. A couple of returnees with Pusher discreetly sneaking back into the circle. Yama got the dummy again but I guess that’s in keeping with her choice in men. I think it was going to someone else for a change but she stepped in last minute and recued it for the Coghlan street unit. Bubbles thought it was a theme night and came dressed appropriately or maybe he just dressed up for Superturd? Not sure what went on in the kitchen but how the fuck do you burn pasta? Still, he catered well for the masses and I didn’t pick anybody up that night with food poisoning so all’s good. Bubbles also threw in a good joke which went over the heads of most people which is a shame as he'd probably practiced it in front of the mirror the night before. He offered two pots of pasta sauce, one for meat lovers and one for cow lovers. Big mobs off to Derby this weekend. On on

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Run #301

Hi y'all

at least the run number is easy to remember for a while. A week or two maybe!!
so next week's run is.........

Hare: SuperTurd & Bubbles (eewww what a combination - sounds like a blocked septic)
Where: 9 Goshawk Loop
When: back to Mondays now - 6pm
Why: why not?
How: just do it - bring a torch

Food - not sure what, but sure there'll be some, probably even veg options...

On on ,

The Trash #300

The much anticipated 300th Run looked more like a breakout of 40 patients from the mental health unit as we bolted down Walcott, past the hospital on a convoluted path to the Roey. With the combination of Warrick Slangs Bitch and Faucet setting the run it was going to be a long run with a couple of good on backs and a classic “fuck up the short cutting bastards” at Town Beach. The walkers managed to get to the pub first and had the jugs ready. But from there it was on to the Satay Hut where they slowed slightly and some of the runners got there first or maybe Cock in a Wheelchair. Another 10 jugs then a quick bolt back to Bedford Park for the 300th Circle. Superturd was the pre circle entertainment as he had a big hurl onto an unsuspecting palm. The grand final, doggies party and the big run were all a bit too much for the little fella. The Cock ran the circle from his wheelchair which looked remarkably like a throne. He had a couple of maidens at hand passing out the down downs. The hares went first as is the tradition and WSB did a good job with the pipe. I think it was probably Superturd next for his tree fertilisation performance. He ended up on ice again while another regular got an ice chair but I’m sure it was her first despite her having done 50 runs. Stationary Crab, who unlike her namesake walks straight and often, has managed to earn herself a beautifully engraved mug which she downed partially internally and the rest externally. Another memorable one was young Doggie who’s off to sniff asses in other parts of Australia. We sang him the special farewll song and let him sit on Superturd’s knee for a while just to make sure he was happy to leave. We also had a few special returnees role up with old Kama putting in an appearance. There was also Brazilian Coathanger, Slowlane, and a couple of others I can’t recall not due to their importance only my memory skills. We had 4 shoe drinkers, bit of a record really Think it was Cockup, Slops, Sanchez and another girl. Please feel free to add her name via the comment button. There were various charges, only one virgin who was brought along by a girl who used to be a virgin, probably twice. She danced well. Again the comment button. And while going on and on about the comment button could someone add the names of the people who were named. We had 4 I think, Herpes was one and there were others so please add them for me. Mr and Mrs Budda Belly, Tinny Arse and Guzzle Guts downed a beer although the latter has been downing quite a few anyway. What else? Inseminator was up there for something as were Yama and Tightarse and just about most people really. The Circle had to end as we had to head home for a clean up before heading to Matsos for the 300th dinner and drinks. It was very civilised, unlike I imagine the Derby 600th will be. Lots of nice smelling people acting with decorum. That’s a weird word. The food was good and plentiful and the beers abundant. Kama told us a bit about how Broome hash started and we rounded up for a group photo. Even the Curry man wanted in on the photo. There was an after party at Tightarses but I’m yet to hear the goss from that and probably don’t want to.

All in all a shit evening really. Who could ask for more.