Hares: Stork and Call Girl
As a Broome hasher may expect, the turnout for this week’s run was large, and it’s not due to Stork’s reputation for short and sweet runs. From the outset we were in for a doozy when Stork had to pull out a whiteboard with a flowchart to give us the instructions for the run. There were lop-sided boobs for the runners and granny boobs for the walkers to follow around, but all ears pricked up when a hash halt was announced. This 6+ km track had a bit of everything in it to keep all Hashers happy. There plenty of checks to keep everyone on their toes (chalk must have been on special this week), dark alleyways with barking dogs and plenty of on-backs to keep those fast bastards in line. The hash halt finally came to fruition after about 6km – how far does one have to run to earn a bloody cold beer in this town! It took place in some random’s garden, where an esky was found stashed under some plastic tarp. Said random came out from his house during the halt with 2 ‘guard’ dogs – one looked scary enough, while the others yapping was so high pitched we were lucky we were drinking stubbies not cans. If we had run this far for a cold beer, what was in store for the run home? Luckily for most, On Home led us a massive 500m from the halt. Pretty much the same distance we are sure the walkers had done all night. On our return home it was mentioned that the long last mystical candelabra from Machu Pichu had been re-found in roadside rubbish. Better put that to good use. Good in theory, until some hashers with no respect decided to trip over said candelabra even though it was on display with lights and all. Cock Inafrock took the reigns as RA and apparently felt as comfortable as he looked in the pink gown. This week saw 3 virgins take to the centre of the circle to entertain the masses with a re-enactment of ring-a-rosie around the ancient relic. It must be pure coincidence that everything, including AT and Westpac’s multiple conceptions, comes from Machu Pichu?
Charges: Paraletic Turtle ensured us her ‘new’ shoes were in fact old. So she down-downed anyway for drinking wine in a beer-drinkers hash circle. Ivana Humpalot enjoyed the ice seat for her final Broome hash appearance before her big move to the big smoke (well, Perth anyway). We hope she enjoys her studies as paramedic and returns down the track to help all the intoxicated hashers in their time of need. First Bogger then Meds, now Ivana, maybe the tourists can learn from all of this leaving business, then I might finally get a park at the post office after work! Where was I? We had a naming tonight: Crack Diver was introduced to Broome HHH after this shit run. It was revealed that a certain sales representative of a certain major international soft drink company may have lost a work vehicle to a Broome high tide where it stayed for a couple of days. His only saving grace was the fact that he was being a good samaritan – attempting to remove another bogged vehicle. Lesson learnt here hashers – look after No. 1 and avoid eye contact with bogged strangers. Doggy Style handed out the dummy spit and informed us that due to Cracker’s absence she dodged this bullet for her efforts in “charades” (pronounced in the Queen’s English, not butchered in the local Ocker “sha-raaaaaades”). The recipient this week was Crack Diver for his displeasure in his new naming, paying Doggy back with a full down-down on his Daniel Craig look-alike head. Watch out, he has a licence to… thrill? In classic Stork form, nosh was as average as it comes. Greek-themed, too many vegetarian options (to Yamashita’s delight), and barely enough to feed all of the starving hashers. Maybe we should force him to cook more often until he learns how to do it right.
There has been mention that the Broome playlist of songs is limited, so word around the traps is that this week may turn into a local version of “The Voice” (another one of those stupid reality singing shows for those too civilised to not be in the know). Bring along any hash songs you may know, any you come up with during the week, or any butchered remixes of classics that we can drink to.
Doggy Style and No Name Kim take the reigns next week for run #295
Run #296 (Monday 3rd Sept) is the Shinju Run - bring along a friend (or at least somebody who doesn’t hate you).