The Dark Olympics
Butterbitch described it as the 49th running of the official Broome Black Olympics in the “eleven twentythree olympiad”? other described it as exceptionally shit (how unusual).
Faucet was well equipped for the err.. run? Cockina Frock and Warwick Slang’s Bitch assisted in the coordination of the shitness, and paid the price with the straight arm and general public abuse. There was an official Olympic torch (which he must have knocked off from a real athlete), and a makeshift dias for the medal presentations.
There were a few well-prepared (but well under-dressed) individuals; Unfortunately it wasn’t the fit or attractive looking hashers - Butterbitch and AT need to keep their lingerie in the bedroom where it belongs. Their was lycra, gold sequinned (short) shorts, and Australian-coloured sombrero’s (very Australian!?). Cockina Frock went to the effort of wearing his wrestling attire. Unfortunately for him the event didn’t feature. Unfortunately the rest of us, his nipples were on display for the remainder of the night.
The favourites for the beer sprint were pipped at the line by the only harriet in the field, Camel Toe. Questions were later asked of her as she took to the podium twice for Gold, in the shit put and beer sprint events. Drug cheat? Maybe her powers are in her secret elongated 2nd toe that she doesn’t like attention being drawn to (oops).
Rice Bubbles took the medal for the blind piggyback races, luckily he wasn’t the horse as I think he may have struggled lugging Cock Pit around the track. He was joined on the podium by his surrogate parents who were almost brought to tears with pride, or was it just beer in their eyes from down downs?
The 2m walking race saw Fanta Pants using questionable tactics which didn’t fare her well in the end. She tried to explain to us that walking sideways was still in a forward direction, but she came unstuck pretty quickly with a good old fashioned hip and shoulder from a No Name, much to the delight of all onlookers.
The shit put saw many cans flying and many injuries narrowly avoided. Doggy Style almost had his head removed then showed his true competitive side when we was spotted kicking cans in disappointment at his second placement to Cock Pit.
The wheelbarrow races were a crowd (dis)pleaser, although not many were able to master the skill of squeezing an opened beer can between their legs while in a vulnerable position. Maybe if it was a man we would have seem some more spirit out of the ladies.
We had some foreign spies pay a return visit to Broome Hash on their annual northern voyage. Mack Attack??? and Super graced us with their presence and a few renditions of their mother hash theme songs. Little did we know this would open a can of worms and we’d have Rainman belting out some thickly-accented tune he wants adopted as the Broome HHH anthem. Oh well at least he tried, but lets hope 30 heads (and voices) put together can put in some work to improve a little (or a lot).
Conchie finally returned to the circle and brought along with him the dummy spit. Deservedly he downed a beer for the delay, along with the dummy recipient Doggy Style for his aforementioned efforts. Cockina Frock and WSB donned their drinking arms again as they were publicly ridiculed and their masculinity (and sexuality) questioned for a leg shaving and manicure respectively. What is it with Gen Y?
The proceedings came to a close with Rice Bubbles extinguishing the flame in un-HHH style; beer abuse all over it.
Nosh was a Faucet classic: green celery curry. He mixed it up with week by adding some chicken. Ingenious.