Friday, August 31, 2012

Dragon Boats

Our first race is at 9.00am so we need to be there at 8.00 to sign up, work out positions and choose someone to be the sweep! Bring your hash shirt or borrow one if you know someone who has one and is not coming. Should be 3 heats and then a couple of finals so plenty of races. Don't forget to bring your $10 if you haven't paid already and some beer money to buy fuel for the boat.OnOn

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Trash #295

Hares: Doggy Style & No Name Kim

The BushBasher run… more like a bloody dog walking service. There were dogs everywhere tonight and at one point we had more dogs than people. Speaking of a bad start to the night, it almost ended before it started for one poor hasher as a scary looking neighbour wasn’t too impressed that a vehicle was blocking access to his precious boat parking area. Rule number 5.

The Run: Bush bashing was promised and bush bashing was delivered. Over 8km of shit run, including a shitload of bush and some dirt. After zig-zagging through old Broome we took to the Demco beach sand dunes where Muscle Puller made his own track– that’s how shit this run was. There was some other bush near the water treatment area (but just far enough away luckily). There we stumbled across a woman wanting a taxi. Unfortunately she learnt the hard way that “there are no phones on a hash run” – hopefully she was able to sort out a taxi somehow, her red cans were getting warm out there. Unfortunately for Yamashita Suckerfish, there was still no sign of her bike. Maybe next time? The run took us through some more bush (imagine that) between Clementson and  Dixon where we had some great support from a local mob, “run my brothers, run”. It must have inspired a few of the virgins, because they got out of there pretty quickly. Somewhere along the way a virgin went arse over tit – could be a name in that? Barge was always ahead of the pack somehow, surprising given that she walked the whole way (shortcutting cheat). Bubbles and Rice Bubbles made an appearance, with about 500m to go. Better late than never I guess.
Circle up: Another big crowd tonight with over 30 hashers present again. Would have been 1 more if Speck didn’t disappear before the circle (down down!). We had 5 virgins to sacrifice around the ancient relic tonight. One of the virgins was associated with Stinky Pong. We remember him putting on an amazing dance display for his virgin dance (to Quickie’s delight), so we thought we’d let him show the newbies how to entertain. We had a visiting hasher from Newcastle (Australia – boring). He shared a verse of his local HHH theme song with us. A theme song, what a great idea. Maybe we should have one of those. Cock Up showed up again (and down downed). He’s the only one who can tune the damn bugle. While we had him we made sure not to miss out on a rendition of “Swing Low”.  He described the run as “8km of life I’ll never get back”. It’s also 8km that he could probably do with, poor old bastard. Speaking of Cock Up, he gave us the beginnings of naming tonight. No Name Jeff (another one of those Medical students) was the poor virgin went arse over tit tonight. He also plays guitar at Diver’s. Arse Diver was born. First virgin run naming in a while. Have the others ever come back? I watched a show on SBS recently about attention and how difficult it is to really multi-task. What was that? Fanta Pants attempted to charge some hashers for some things, but in her excitement she must have converted to her mother tongue as no one could understand a bloody thing she was saying. Anybody’s guess really. In the end she had a down down. After weeks and months and some days, Urinal finally made it back to the Bluewater hash. And for that, he got the ice chair. He was quite happy with that in fact, after the weeks and months and days he had spent on a boat full of men. Just saying. I’m sure he said something about potatoes and whinged about the Australian government. In the end we sang him the “fuck off” anthem as he is returning home to the land of the leprechaun. Slops enjoyed a belated birthday down down with a No Name. Speaking of theme song’s Warwick Slang’s Bitch had a crack tonight (channelling Rainman?). He struggled to remember the words to his own song, but got there eventually with some sweet humming from the circle. The crowd went wild. Then they said it was too tame as there weren’t enough fuck’s and shit’s. Urinal fixed that problem with a foreskin song. Did I mention I watched some comedy gig on TV last night and there was a skit about how funny it is when old people say random things?
Nosh was edible. No reports of diarrhoea yet.

Next week’s run: # 296. Shinju. Come one, come all. Bring along a virgin hasher… the more dancing and humiliation, the better!

Dragon Boat races this Saturday! HHH first race at 9am. Get to Town beach at 8am(ish). Faucet will keep you posted.

On On

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Run #295 August 27th

Hi y'all,

Run for 27th August - watch out, it has a name!!

Run Name - "BushBashers"
Hare - Doggy Style (uh oh...)
Where - 1 BRAY PLACE (ie doggy has a new house...) - off Herbert, between Saville & Hopton (Doggy thinks we can't read maps)
Park on verge on Herbert Street please.

Torches, veggos & dogs all welcome (sic)
(especially dogs)

On on

The Trash # 294

Hares: Stork and Call Girl
As a Broome hasher may expect, the turnout for this week’s run was large, and it’s not due to Stork’s reputation for short and sweet runs.  From the outset we were in for a doozy when Stork had to pull out a whiteboard with a flowchart to give us the instructions for the run. There were lop-sided boobs for the runners and granny boobs for the walkers to follow around, but all ears pricked up when a hash halt was announced. This 6+ km track had a bit of everything in it to keep all Hashers happy. There plenty of checks to keep everyone on their toes (chalk must have been on special this week), dark alleyways with barking dogs and plenty of on-backs to keep those fast bastards in line. The hash halt finally came to fruition after about 6km – how far does one have to run to earn a bloody cold beer in this town! It took place in some random’s garden, where an esky was found stashed under some plastic tarp. Said random came out from his house during the halt with 2 ‘guard’ dogs – one looked scary enough, while the others yapping was so high pitched we were lucky we were drinking stubbies not cans. If we had run this far for a cold beer, what was in store for the run home? Luckily for most, On Home led us a massive 500m from the halt. Pretty much the same distance we are sure the walkers had done all night. On our return home it was mentioned that the long last mystical candelabra from Machu Pichu had been re-found in roadside rubbish. Better put that to good use. Good in theory, until some hashers with no respect decided to trip over said candelabra even though it was on display with lights and all. Cock Inafrock took the reigns as RA and apparently felt as comfortable as he looked in the pink gown. This week saw 3 virgins take to the centre of the circle to entertain the masses with a re-enactment of ring-a-rosie around the ancient relic. It must be pure coincidence that everything, including AT and Westpac’s multiple conceptions, comes from Machu Pichu?
Charges: Paraletic Turtle ensured us her ‘new’ shoes were in fact old. So she down-downed anyway for drinking wine in a beer-drinkers hash circle. Ivana Humpalot enjoyed the ice seat for her final Broome hash appearance before her big move to the big smoke (well, Perth anyway). We hope she enjoys her studies as paramedic and returns down the track to help all the intoxicated hashers in their time of need. First Bogger then Meds, now Ivana, maybe the tourists can learn from all of this leaving business, then I might finally get a park at the post office after work! Where was I? We had a naming tonight: Crack Diver was introduced to Broome HHH after this shit run. It was revealed that a certain sales representative of a certain major international soft drink company may have lost a work vehicle to a Broome high tide where it stayed for a couple of days. His only saving grace was the fact that he was being a good samaritan – attempting to remove another bogged vehicle. Lesson learnt here hashers – look after No. 1 and avoid eye contact with bogged strangers. Doggy Style handed out the dummy spit and informed us that due to Cracker’s absence she dodged this bullet for her efforts in “charades” (pronounced in the Queen’s English, not butchered in the local Ocker “sha-raaaaaades”). The recipient this week was Crack Diver for his displeasure in his new naming, paying Doggy back with a full down-down on his Daniel Craig look-alike head. Watch out, he has a licence to… thrill? In classic Stork form, nosh was as average as it comes. Greek-themed, too many vegetarian options (to Yamashita’s delight), and barely enough to feed all of the starving hashers. Maybe we should force him to cook more often until he learns how to do it right.
There has been mention that the Broome playlist of songs is limited, so word around the traps is that this week may turn into a local version of “The Voice” (another one of those stupid reality singing shows for those too civilised to not be in the know). Bring along any hash songs you may know, any you come up with during the week, or any butchered remixes of classics that we can drink to.
Doggy Style and No Name Kim take the reigns next week for run #295
Run #296 (Monday 3rd Sept) is the Shinju Run - bring along a friend (or at least somebody who doesn’t hate you).
On On

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Run #294 August 20th

Hare: Stork
55 Wirl Buru Gardens

Six Seasons
Shit venue
Shit run
Shit food (including extra shit for the vego's) (but I have inside information that it's Greek, including several veg options... nom nom nom!!)
Basically shit nite!!!
On on nom nom nom Ohmmmmm

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Trash # 293


Harriets: Camel Toe and No Name Emma.
Virgin harriets Camel Toe and No Name Emma lived up to expectations – it was shit. They must have been hungover, or their minds preoccupied by what dress they would wear to the Ladie’s Day races. That’s the only excuse we could think of for their shitty effort of a 7km loop around the heart of Broome. There was a check or two (apparently), and a fishhook to keep hashers minds on the ball. Somebody mentioned that the most exciting part of the run was crossing the road from one side of Frederick St to the other. I bet they were slightly disappointed when they had to cross back soon after. The virgin harriets learnt a valuable lesson too; set your run too early or in the path of automatic sprinklers and maybe nobody will find it. On this particularly shit run, that was actually a good thing as hashers made their way ‘on home’ via a shortened and ad hoc semi-live run strung together by Camel Toe. But enough about her and the shit run, they’ve had enough attention already.
The circle was back to some of its old form with Butterbitch taking the lead as RA, and Cock-up making an increasingly rare appearance. It’s about time we had a hasher present who knows how to work that damn bugle, but we didn’t get the opportunity to act out ‘Swing Low’. Maybe on his next appearance. We had our first naming in a while. Many naming options were deliberated, and after dismissing the usual sexually driven possibilities we almost got a sneak peak of her party (? Bedroom) tricks. In the end sex won out and Topless Rentals was named in traditional hash style. Perky copped a down down for her potential final run in Broome. I mean, what reason is there to stay around after you’ve had your face posted on the front page of the Advertiser. Slops, Muscle Puller and Jiggy-Jig also graced us with their presence and joined Cock-up for a returnee down down. I bet they regret that now. Simply Meds showed his face at the blue water hash for the final time and enjoyed the ice seat in true hash style.

He thanked the Broome hash mob for the good times he’d had over the past months, which led to a second down down for unnecessary sucking up. The ice seat was soon relinquished but needed a new victim. The perfect opportunity to put the spotlight on a hasher completing his 50th run. Did I mention how shit the run was? Warwick Slang’s Bitch hit the milestone and was informed that he would receive nothing for the dishonour. Apparently the GM is a little slow on the uptake!!
Nosh was an improvement on the run, but that wasn’t until we got the BBQ figured out. This shit run ended on a high, as we were told that next week’s hash is by Stork.
On On.

And it's okay to leave a comment to correct any inaccuracies our complement the author on literary content.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Trash 292

The Dark Olympics
Butterbitch described it as the 49th running of the official Broome Black Olympics in the “eleven twentythree olympiad”? other described it as exceptionally shit (how unusual).

Faucet was well equipped for the err.. run? Cockina Frock and Warwick Slang’s Bitch assisted in the coordination of the shitness, and paid the price with the straight arm and general public abuse. There was an official Olympic torch (which he must have knocked off from a real athlete), and a makeshift dias for the medal presentations.

There were a few well-prepared (but well under-dressed) individuals; Unfortunately it wasn’t the fit or attractive looking hashers - Butterbitch and AT need to keep their lingerie in the bedroom where it belongs. Their was lycra, gold sequinned (short) shorts, and Australian-coloured sombrero’s (very Australian!?). Cockina Frock went to the effort of wearing his wrestling attire. Unfortunately for him the event didn’t feature. Unfortunately the rest of us, his nipples were on display for the remainder of the night.

The favourites for the beer sprint were pipped at the line by the only harriet in the field, Camel Toe. Questions were later asked of her as she took to the podium twice for Gold, in the shit put and beer sprint events. Drug cheat? Maybe her powers are in her secret elongated 2nd toe that she doesn’t like attention being drawn to (oops).
Rice Bubbles took the medal for the blind piggyback races, luckily he wasn’t the horse as I think he may have struggled lugging Cock Pit around the track. He was joined on the podium by his surrogate parents who were almost brought to tears with pride, or was it just beer in their eyes from down downs?
The 2m walking race saw Fanta Pants using questionable tactics which didn’t fare her well in the end. She tried to explain to us that walking sideways was still in a forward direction, but she came unstuck pretty quickly with a good old fashioned hip and shoulder from a No Name, much to the delight of all onlookers.
The shit put saw many cans flying and many injuries narrowly avoided. Doggy Style almost had his head removed then showed his true competitive side when we was spotted kicking cans in disappointment at his second placement to Cock Pit.
The wheelbarrow races were a crowd (dis)pleaser, although not many were able to master the skill of squeezing an opened beer can between their legs while in a vulnerable position. Maybe if it was a man we would have seem some more spirit out of the ladies.

We had some foreign spies pay a return visit to Broome Hash on their annual northern voyage. Mack Attack??? and Super graced us with their presence and a few renditions of their mother hash theme songs. Little did we know this would open a can of worms and we’d have Rainman belting out some thickly-accented tune he wants adopted as the Broome HHH anthem. Oh well at least he tried, but lets hope 30 heads (and voices) put together can put in some work to improve a little (or a lot).

Down Downs:
Conchie finally returned to the circle and brought along with him the dummy spit. Deservedly he downed a beer for the delay, along with the dummy recipient Doggy Style for his aforementioned efforts. Cockina Frock and WSB donned their drinking arms again as they were publicly ridiculed and their masculinity (and sexuality) questioned for a leg shaving and manicure respectively. What is it with Gen Y?

The proceedings came to a close with Rice Bubbles extinguishing the flame in un-HHH style; beer abuse all over it.

Nosh was a Faucet classic: green celery curry. He mixed it up with week by adding some chicken. Ingenious.

On On

Run # 293 August 13th

> Hares: camel toe and no name Emma
> Dinner: veg option provided

> Meet same place as last week (ie Bedford Park at Anne St end)
> Bring torches as it will be dark

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Trash 291

So Cockina Frock did a live run, at short notice at the house of Dirty Sanchez, No-name Ally and the kid. Must have been okay as over 30 people turned up. Cock almost gained infamy for his check outside Divers as it rated a mention during a penis drawing joke at the Comedy night on Thursday (which was well represented by hashers). But it may also have been an old Sanchez check from a past run Hmmm now you’re excited. So yes, where was I, shit run, long run, fucking long run around Sunset Park and the beach and the old camel track. It was a momentous run for one young girl. Bogger, who ran for the last time, well, last time for a while with Broome Hash anyway. She didn’t quite get the 69 she was hoping for but at least made it to 67 before she heads off to Sydney and a new job and new life. She brought that fucking rubber chicken thing with her. I’m sure some of you will remember it well. She scored it at a Hash Xmas thingy or was that a St. John Xmas thingy, not sure as there is a bit of crossover stuff there. Anyway you can see by the photo that it’s some dildo shaped rubber toy. What you can’t see is the noise it makes when you squeeze it. I’m guessing it sounds a bit like the noise Warrick Slangs Bitch makes when he has sex. Either way it’s not a noise I like at all. Speaking of chickens, Inseminator turned up with a few of them to eat for dinner. I’m not one to question but sometimes my mind wanders and so I ate the other stuff on offer like the potato thing, salad and the breadrolls. We did have a few virgins who used Bogger as a Maypole. Maybe some of her good spirits may rub off onto them. She takes it well. Doggy squirted her several times and she just took it with a scream and a smile on her face. It was bloody cold. I think I would have cried. Best idea is to leave in the wet season. There was a few returnees. Faucet was the default RA. I’m off to Divers or if you are reading this on your iphone I am already there. Tomorrow the Dark Olympics. Be there. ON ON

Run#292 August 6th

Run#292 6th August
The Dark Olympics
Location: Bedford Park (Anne st entrance)
Opening Ceremony: 6.00pm
Closing Ceremony: 7.00pm (followed by circle and and medal presentation)
Highlight: 30m Sprint (pissing contest between WSB and Bubbles)
Various childish and inappropriate running events
No drug testing
No-one will be sent home for bad behavior
Lots of medals up for grabs
and nice hot food.
Probably don't need a torch (not that saying you did need one would make any fucking difference to some of you)
Probably wear something warm for spectating bits (maybe a trackie)
Aussie Aussie Aussie