Sunday, December 30, 2012

Trash # 312

Merry Xmas Broome Hash 2012

Most hashers joke about their drinking club with a running problem but I think a few people at Broome hash also have a dress up problem. The Xmas eve run showed just how silly they look, standing out in the crowd dressed differently to everybody else. It’s happening more often these days and you’d think people would start to pick up on it. Now obviously Tightarse, Superturd, Hippyshagger and Cockinafrock should be role models for all you people who have dress up problems and come in standard hash attire. Nothing weird about those boys. Okay so the strange elf was a bit scary and Jesus was flashing a bit too much (but not much by normal CIAF standards) but the other couple with the kid they were fine. I mean, we just blended in as we ran around town perusing the xmas lights. The fact it was daylight for most of the run didn’t damper anyones spirits and gave passer bys a better look at their fellow citizens. There were several horn blasts of approval from passing motorists who secretly longed to be dressed up and running instead of sitting in the comfort of their air-conditioned cars or possibly just wanted us to get off the road. As dusk set in and the sangrian halt finished the pretty lights started to shine and the pretty costumes started to wilt, the mob dispersed to follow the last of their sweat soaked clues back to the circle in Sunset via the last remaining Xmas lights, unless like Backpage, you’d driven to the halt. The circle seemed small with only 20 runners but huge in comparison to previous Xmas runs. Faucet was default RA due to Cock being the hare for the night. We had a few returnees with Crackdiver, Booberator, Conchie and to a lesser extent, Cracka all back from wherever it was they have been. Slops ,Yama and Cock got charged for something and virgins were as common as…virgins. Hey what is that fire thing on Boobs foot while Jesus was in the circle??? Anyway the circle was short, sweet and doggie. Actually where is doggie he must be due back soon? The food for some reason was across the street via Cracka? Cock had organised Xmas fare with lots of ham and a few cold roast vegies and salad stuff and bread rolls and Faucets daughters’ rum balls. All that was missing was the snow but we all knew that wasn’t going to happen. On On.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Run # 313 December 31st

What do Michael Jackson, Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Freddie Mercury, Amy Winehouse, Tupac, Elvis and Justin Bieber all have in common? Any of them could make an appearance at the.................

The New Years Dead Muso Hash

Hares: Tightarse and SuperTurd
Where: The Sunset Airport Resort and Bar
20 Napier Terrace, Broome
(opposite Magabala Books)

Theme: Dead Musos - No muso would be in bad taste.
There will be prizes for the best dressed!!
Time: 6pm till sometime next year.
Food: Pig on a spit plus other shit, including veg options.

Entertainment: Besides the antics of Joamma, Tightarse and SuperTurd (which should be more than enough) there will be a fair bit of live music throughout the night and early morning.

Drinks: Drinks will be included until the Hash eskies are empty or the GM calls last drinks. BYO drinks after that.

Cost: Only $25. Includes shit run, great nosh, entertainment, drinks during and post run. Batteries are not included.

The Fine Print: This will be the place to see in New Years as Zee Bar, The Roey and Divers will all be shit.
If you need to be at some other shit place post Hash, there are several showers available to wash off the sweat and down downs.
There is plenty of off street parking, cars left instead of drink driving will be welcomed.
There is room for swags and tents on site.
The pool will be open although we are unsure what color it will be on the night.
The run will have easy options, so what better night to introduce a friend or two to Hash?
There will be recovery run and breakfast details to be announced (at least 1/2 an hour before it starts).
The chickens on site are in loving relationships and as such will not be available as special friends for the night


Run # 312 December 24th

'twas the night before Christmas and the quiet Broome night was broken by the delightful sounds of Broome H3 shouting ON ON!!!

As its the eve of Christmas feel free to get in the festive spirit.

Hares: CIAF & ??Faucet?
Location: the park in Mauritania way, Sunset Park.
Feed: yes something festive and even Vegos can celebrate. (ed note - 'Vegos' sounds like an exotic Greek island?)
All the other shit as usual :)
On on

(and additional editor's note - Happy Christmas to all you wonderful hashers who make the start of my week so much fun!! Have a great festive break wherever you are, and all the very best for a cracking great 2013!! And to those of you working- thanks heaps for keeping the country running for the rest of us!!)

Trash # 311

So, sure, its last minute but that’s when I do most of my work. Last weeks run is a bit hard to remember as it seems so long ago but it would be easy to track down as the fuckwits did it with line marking paint! Superturd and Hippyshagger obviously didn’t know the chalk thing or maybe they just thought they could set it with paint and use it again next year. It was about 8 k’s with a hash halt at the Japanese cemetery. Most people made it back knackered but safe and ended up in the Hash gene pool which seemed quite small and shallow. We tried a new RA, Tightarse who seemed okay considering he was operating under mass doses of painkillers, beer and exercise. There was one virgin who did a swim dance thing in the pool, a few returnees and an attempted naming which failed. That weird baby thing is still around and now has a facebook page. The food tasted nicer than it looked in the photo and the beers were copious and cold. All shit really. Gotta go and get ready for hash now. On On.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Trash # 310

So, fast furious, don’t have any spare time blog. Inseminator and Doggie set run. Doggie first, Semi second time due to rain and Doggie running away. Run set twice but still shit. Short and fast. Too fast for Semi who got to the Hash Halt after the runners had left. BooBoo smiled. Cockup back and blew horn. Walkers had to be called by phone to come on home. Semi got down down and Doggie got away with beer in his motel room in Perth. Broke in new RA, Cameltoe. Could get scary. Three virgins including Mr Cameltoe and new story about rock and street candelabra. Should consider getting a pole for Virgins to dance around. Mmm. Spellcheck fragment feature displaying multiple warnings. Told Perky and Butterbitch to fuck off. They’re getting old and have been hanging around too long now. Person with camera overdid photos of Cheery Popper. She inturn, over zealous with enforcing tool. Meat tough but came with warning, vego option genuine and copious. The end.

Run #311 December 17th

well there you go, it's the quick or the... slow in this hash-town!!
already we have two superkeen superhares putting their paws up for next week - thanks fellas

Hares: Superturd & HippieShagger
Location: 13 Woods Drive
Theme: uh no.
Bring a torch or be prepared to get lost!! (ie take notice those that usually don't take notice!!)
Food: Hippie Shagger, so could be interesting...
Usual time & shit.

On on

Monday, December 10, 2012

Run # 310 December 10th

Righto Hashers,

Greatest apologies for the lack of recent inseminations, I seem to be unable to send group emails to 200 people from the wilds of north Queensland on an Iphone, however I hope the Broome grapevine did its job & not too many of you missed out on runs!! & thanks as always to Bargey for filling in gaps where she could even with an old list!!

Anyway as penance for my inadequacies I shall Hare it up next week, with the unprecedented experience of our so-called "trailblazer" Doggy Style, so details are:

Hares: Inseminator & Doggy Style (he'll be away so remember to save him a downdown for the shit run!)

Where: 4a MacNee Crt (please don't park on 4B's side of the driveway)
What: Themeless - I'm over fancy dress parties for now!
When: usual usual

Food: yes and veg option too :)

On on

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Trash # 309

So the AGPU was held at Faucets place after an awesome run with a great double fish hook "on back" half way to Cable Beach. Awesome. I’m tired and drank and ate too much this weekend, not that anyone cares and so the blog is short. The new or renewed positions decided were GM, Slangs Bitch, Ass GM BackPage (CIAF), New RA’s Cameltoe, Tightarse, CIAF old existing RA. Hash Horn Cockup (Half-Arsed), Hash Octopussy (Quickie), Hash Sec Inseminator (Barge), Hash Haberdashery Jiggly Titts (CIAF), Choir Master Dirty Sanchez, Beer Bitch, Superturd, Backpage (CIAF), Trailmaster Doggie and Hash Trash/Flash Faucet. (Brackets mean backup person) If this is wrong then ….I don’t know. It’s been bloody hot this week. No Pics, just one of the chosen suckers. On On and maybe rain soon.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Run # 309

Run # 309

Hare: Faucet
Venue: 10 Stewart St
Attire: You will end up in the pool
Food: Carnivores and Vegetarians catered for
Inanity: Bring a torch
Rumour: Free Beer
Extra: This is the 2012 Annual General Piss Up (AGPU) or AGM if we were like other groups. We don't have a committee or rules but actively encourage evolution in Broome Hash so you may contribute or be volunteered into a role on the evening. If you can't attend and desperately want to do something to help then let someone know who is going or email me.
on on

Trash # 308

Quickie and Ciao sounds more like an Italian affair than a couple of Hash hares. Obviously a shit run, even God thought it was shit so he washed it away

Road and beer. An artist statement or just hash staple 

Think it was doggie who took the photos. Made it look like it was a cold miserable wet night

Say cheese or just look like a fuckwit

Virgins rockin’
Fanta Pants talks?

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Run # 308 November 25th

Hares: quickie & ciao
Where: by visitor's centre near roundabout (by the pretty bridge)
Usual time, food etcetera

On on
Inseminator via Barge

Friday, November 23, 2012

Trash # 307

So perhaps this week’s blog should be short and sweet shit like the run. We ran around Cable Beach, Januburu and Minyirr Park without getting too lost. The herpes mark was a little weird but I guess that’s what happens when you let Herpes and Cameltoe set the run. Only got caught on one longish on back but that was in the sand. The walkers were a tad slow and got back about a beer later than the runners.Cock was RA and had to drag Cameltoe from the kitchen to get a hare down down. The photo of the hare girls looks a bit evil but then maybe they are? We seemed to have a few multiple offenders in the circle with Fanta Pants in for being away and then again for getting married, suddenly, while she was away. Fancy not inviting Hash to your wedding! Stationary Crab was back from New Zealand where we also didn’t get an invite to and Guzzle Guts was back from who knows where. He was also dragged in for having a significant birthday and Octopussy got to share the birthday song on his knee. There were a few media charges, Rice bubbles was in there for something as were Quickie and Uranus. We had a naming. Someone put it in the comments sections please. Jiggly Titts got away without a charge for blatant political advertising and Faucets mo is getting worse. Quickie was a bit crabby and the food was bountiful and edible. Can’t ask for more really. Just a shit run.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Run # 307 November 19th

Details for hash:
Hares: herpes and camel toe
Where: 29 Hay Road
Time: the usual
Nosh: biggest mob of feed will be provided including some for vegos
Theme: no theme but 2012 is the year of the farmer so give a shout out to all the fellas wearing flannos blue chesty and starring a beer gut- they put food on ya table and beer in ya stubbie/ can/ flaggon
On on
Inseminator :)

Trash # 306

 Canetoad and Booboo. That sounds silly. One day Canetoad and Booboo decided to set a run for their friends. They came from far and wide; some came from as far away as Cable Beach and the Heavy Industrial Area. When they arrived at Canetoad and Booboo’s house they found they had drawn pretty pictures on the stepping stones with chalk and then told everyone a story about the mysterious lines. Booboo made a funny joke about some of the lines looking like testicles but only the naughty people laughed. He told everyone how he and Canetoad had drawn them all over town and how we had to run and find them. It was really exciting. Everyone was bursting to go but Booboo hadn’t quite finished. He nearly forgot to tell everyone about the flour and the blue tape. That was a booboo.  So, just as the sun was just about to set in half an hour or 35 minutes, everyone ran off. Some people were really fast. They have really long legs and short penises so they can get to the checks really quickly but this time there was a little surprise. Silly Canetoad and Booboo had drawn the checks on the road and those big motor car tyres had rubbed them out. Luckily, as fate would have it, some of the clever hashers were able to find the trail and they called to their friends “On On” and they all made to the Hash Holt. Well, not everyone made it to the Hash Holt, Booboo forgot to go there. We all know what that means when the hare doesn’t turn up at the Hash Holt don’t we! This is the sad part of the story so if you get upset easy then cover your eyes for the next few lines. Okay, do it now! There was NO BEER at the Hash Holt. Every one was sad and confused and wandered around in circles until wise old Cockup suggested we could all sing a song and that would make everyone feel better. Everyone gathered under the ‘Yammashiita Suckerfish Stolen Bike Memorial Pavilion” on the foreshore of Demco Estate and sung three versus of “My Garden Shed”. Well not only did that make everybody happy again but it also made the beer arrive. It is a very magic song.

The sun was now saying good night and the little stars began to flicker and everyone turned on their torches which they bring with them every week so they could run along the dangerous rocks up towards Town Beach. Everyone made it safely back to the streets of Old Broome where they followed the magical path all the way back to Canetoad and Booboo’s house. This is a long story isn’t it? Maybe you need a rest or should be working and need to finish it later unless you are too excited to know what happened next. You are excited aren’t you? So back at the house King Cockinafrock gathered everyone in to a circle, well not a real circle more of misshapen ellipses. They’re big words aren’t they?  It just means that the coordinates of the shape form the basis for several sets of three-dimensional orthogonal coordinates. The elliptic cylindrical coordinates are produced by projecting in the z-direction and prolate spheroidal coordinates are produced by rotating the elliptic coordinates about the x-axis, i.e., the axis connecting the foci, whereas the oblate spheroidal coordinates are produced by rotating the elliptic coordinates about the y-axis, i.e., the axis separating the foci. That’s probably not that important to remember so we’ll just call it a circle. We all know that one. Everybody loves the circle as we sing songs to our friends and use words that our mummies and daddies don’t think we ever use. Booboo and Canetoad went first and we sang about how they tried to go to heaven but went the other way. That reminds me of the new story I was reading today about the Royal Commission in the Church and Paedophilia but we’ll keep that one for when you get older. The next song was for Quickie and Uranus because they had been on a holiday from Hash. We probably sang them the wanker song which is really silly as Quickie doesn’t have a penis even though she is a fast runner. We also had a virgin runner and 3 other virgins who didn’t run. We don’t ask too many questions at hash. They danced around the Inca Stone which is also a story we could talk about one day if the circle is too boring. Next they bought out Faucet because he grew a pretty moustache which made him look like a handsome porn star and also Yamma and Cameltoe and Roofie with his boobies showing and another man who all did something silly during the week. Everyone sung the pies chips and gravy song for them. That’s the song where you get to say the naughty word twice. I don’t know about you but I’m getting sleepy now. There were songs for Superturd and Cockup and Perky and Butterbitch. If you break his name in half then the second bit is a swear word. The circle story is almost over except for Barge who not only had a down down but was also severely enforced with the hose and Dirty Sanchez got a big box of black party balloons from Derby Hash. That would probably make a great story! I almost forgot that King Cockinafrock gave a hasher a name as he has not had one for so long and he was getting sad. He is now called Porker because of what he likes to do on weekends. After the circle there was yummy food and everyone talked and laughed and drank beer and went home except of course for Booboo and Canetoad because they were already there!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Trash # 305

Well don’t the doctors know how to pull the ladies on Melbourne Cup Eve? They really dragged in the honeys for what was an epic example of equinien excrement. And a few of the boys prettied up too. Not sure where to put lycra boy. For the cheering crowds spread across old Broome and Demco it must have looked like a bunch of hashers chasing guys in suits who were chasing extra tall thai lady boys. God knows what the patrons of Matsos thought as several of the front runners gigged their best horse impressions around in a circle outside the front gate.  Think I also noticed a few whips, ties and fascinators along the way. The on’s were creative with little horsey type arrows and stalls for checks. Horseshoey things for fishhooks. There was an innovative childish game at town beach where people were volunteered, chosen or forced onto dodgy looking sleds to be dragged round on the grass by the said weirdly dressed people. Despite the entertaining aspect of the event it did have one tragedy with the esky being discovered to be lacking in beer and punters forced to drink cider or even soft drinks and water. Virgin hares usually get one chance! The post race party was run by Butterbitch who moved things along quickly. The hares went first with Arsediver wearing the seat and Roofie showing everyone how to drink while wearing the pipe. Tightarse got a charge for boatsinking, I think there were a couple of returnees, a couple of virgins who creatively danced with the pretty girls but the big one for the night was two of the more beautiful girls, (even more beautiful than Tightarse and Superturd) who reached significant milestones in their hash lives. Sort of sad really. Crackafat finally, after all these years made it to fifty runs. And last but not least, Yamashitta Suckerfish made it too one hundred runs. I’m sure she doesn’t even know how she made it that far. It amazing what some people will do to get their name on the Hash Esky. They got off pretty lightly with just ice chairs for a short stint and that was about it. Food was chicken burrito wraps which seemed quite edible. Poor Barge ended the night sadly and probably had nightmares after her inquisitive nature left her with getting more than she bargained for.

Run # 306 November 12th

Howdy Hot Hashers

if you can drag yourselves out for a Monday evening run then get yourselves to:

48 Walcott St

Hares: Canetoad & BooBoo

Usual time etc etc

On on
Inseminator :)

Monday, November 5, 2012

Run # 305 November 5th

it's Hash #305 coming right up on Melbourne Cup Eve so get yourselves tarted up and ready for a good gallop around lovely Broome...
Hares: ArseDiver & Ruffie
Where: 33 Weld St
Wear: Melbourne Cup theme so wear a tie, hat, fascinator/something classy. (Not sure that classy & hashers go together in the same sentence?)
What: Run, Beers, Food (incl vegers)
On on :)

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Trash #304

Come onnn, what the fuck was that all about Bestiality and Jiggly Tits? Virgin hares usually just set shit runs not entry tests for the French Foreign Legion. 8 k’s of slopey soft sand with no options for short cutting as we ran through Broome South Estate with Cracker lagging at the back taking notes.  If one of us had died on the trail it would have been a really weird job for the cops to sort out if it was natural causes or one of the weirdo dressed up hashers who did the deed. Dress ups bring out the scary people. Not that I would personally mention Doggie, Cockpit, Booboo or Stork. I mean there would have been reliable people as witnesses like the pumpkin twins and several witchy hatted people.  I must admit the props along the trail were good, lots of webs and spiders and the full moon looked remarkably real. Did I mention it was a Halloween run? People made it back in varying states of exhaustion and quickly filled the pool and strew themselves across the lawn except the walkers who seemed less wet and slimier than the rest of us. The ever entertaining Butterbitch got everyone up for the circle. If everyone made it back, there was about 40 people. The hares got off lightly as my suggestion of stakes and rope seemed to be passed by. Bestiality did a great job with the pipe and the newly christened Jiggly Tits seemed to take a liking to the shit run toilet seat and wore it all night and so she should have. There were a few returnees like Braziallan Coathanger, Doggie Style and the girl who fell over whose name I can’t remember. Sorry girl who fell over. We had 4 virgins who were compelled to entertain us after Butterbitchs extensive story about the rock and candelabra. Slasher had a birthday and Inseminator was in the media or her dog was. Same thing. The people who dressed up got to go in the circle and do weird jelly shots with eyeball things in them. Didn’t have my glasses, There were 3 namings with Jiggly Titts, Discharge and Pussy (the dodgy substance not the other thing) getting christened by BB. That was it really. The food was shit, Lasagne, garlic bread and rabbit food but in abundance. Was going to write that it was a trick and treat run. The run was the trick and the food a treat but that sounded as lame as it was. On on.