Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Through the eyes of the virgin
Oh my God. I went to this hash thing on Monday night. I nearly died. There was like 35 people there. Seemed a sort of normal roebuck shed and most people looked okay in their orange uniforms except they brought empty beer cartons with them. This guy named Anal Tool pointed at a broomstick tied up with pink ribbon and then we were off running the streets, or at least that’s what I thought. People started yelling out on on and others stood around lost and some guy called cock in a frock had a trumpet. We ended up leaving the nice path and went into a drain. I’m not joking. People were running through the mud and the water and I struggled to find dry bits to step on to keep my shoes clean. I didn’t want to be left alone in the bush in the dark behind one mile so I had to keep going. It was hard to look like I was not with them but not be left on my own. And this Bargey girl kept taking photos of everyone, hundreds of them. We finally made it back to the streets only to end up in Broome North and more mud. It was so slippery this 47 year old guy Red fell over twice and one time fell on a sweet young girl called Stealth. She hurt her ankle but no-one seemed to care. They were like a bunch of pigs playing in the mud and they got their shoes dirty and then they ran through another drain to clean them. I’d had enough but I didn’t know how to get home. I heard this lovely guy called Faucet talking to another guy Woodpecker about shortcutting home so I followed them. Somehow everyone turned up back at the house at the same time. Then instead of warming down they just started drinking beer. Next thing they form up in a circle inside this shed (which was a very nice shed with opposing roller doors and a crooked purlin on the eastern wall). Anal tool and another guy called Butterbitch (it’s true, that’s what people called them) started some sort of service. I slunk to the back and was very quiet and hid behind this girl called Gash who had a baby who was called Splinter. I probably should make an anonymous call to DOC about her. And then OMG they started singing. Not like a choir, just dirty songs and even the girls joined in. Then they brought out this Inca Stone from like Peru or somewhere and started asking for virgins. My friend went forward while I tried to disappear. I don’t know how they knew I was a virgin but they were trying to get me into the circle. I was pretty scared but managed to bluff my way out. My poor friend had to dance around the Inca stone while they sang like a virgin. It hurt my ears, I wanted to cry and then they started this down down down thing which seems to be how all their songs finish and she had to down some sort of drink out of some tin cups. I’d seem them pour some yellow looking stuff form a plastic bottle into the beer. And the cleanliness of the cups was suspect. I don’t think they even washed their hands. There was one sensible girl called Booberator, who wore a raincoat and they made her down a beer just for doing that. They made up all of these silly excuses to make people down beer and then when they finished they had to put the tin cup upside down on their head. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse they bought out this pipe thing which Butterbitch had to put on his arm. It was so stupid as he couldn’t bend his arm and poured most of his drink over his face. And OMG this other mask thing they had with a face painted on it. The old guy called Red had to wear that which looked okay on him but then he had to drink with it on. Like, how stupid is that. All the beer runs down your shirt. There was also this tall guy who went though this ceremony to get a name. They named him Brazillian Coathanger. I think it was something about how he was doing Zumba when he should have been doing Limbo. Next they brought out this book and started asking for people to have runs at their house. Yeah right. I think they should give the book to the police or mental health. Apparently they had food made by a girl called Westpac but as I wasn’t going to eat that as I saw a break when the circle thing finished and bolted. Hash. I think they must be on it.
Monday, February 21, 2011
In the beginning
and in the end
- Hares Perky and Butterbitch
- 41 runners mostly in red dresses
- Valentines day clues worked well in wet conditions
- Swim at Frangipani Resort which was deserted
- Faucet 100 runs
- Someone named Maaarhh. Most popular naming of the year
- 2 virgins
- 2 birthdays
- Pocahontas survived drink from old shoe strained through Wombat’s frilly red knickers
- Octopuusy stressed out over cooking for 40 girls (or dressed like girls)
- Faucet working to hard to write blog this week
- Photos by Jackoff, Red and Slowlane and guy from cable beach
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
14 goshawk loop corner of swift way.
This is a Slab run so bring a carton empty or full to run with.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Yet another shit run set by an old shit run setter, Conchie and his new side kick Pox. I guess you could also call it a pox run. Not ones to suffer from obesity or lethargy the boys ran us all over town, with long on backs and dodgy neighbourhoods. Spec and Quickie were setting a blistering pace and saved most of us a few K’s. The sunset was pretty nice and the light sprinkling of rain was pleasantly cool without washing away the arrows or any of the other weird marks. There seemed to be lots of people at the end so I’m guessing we all made it back, even Urinal who started late and was wearing his funny shoes. Red was the RA. The hares took there down downs with Pox wearing the hash pipe like a bracelet. We had a couple of special returnees with Vagrant and Booberator back after a long long break. Boobs also got her 50th cup which we’ve been using for the past year and it was her birthday as well so she wore the Gimp despite her pleas of claustrophobia. Stealth also got the birthday song. We weren’t sure weather Cockup should be a visitor or a returnee so he got both. We had a hasher who’d been blown over from Tully by cyclone Yasi. Cracker was back in the media as well as a few others. We had a couple of shoe drinkers and Downstairs Servicing always up for a bit of attention drank a down down through his sock. I could see a few of the girls were impressed but obviously to shy to take him home. Father Wombat led a nice prayer to which the circle joined in reverently. Cockup also lead the hashers through a melodious adaptation of Swing Low which the new camera captured on Video. I have a new system now where I volunteer people to take the photos for the night. Sort of a mentoring role for new talent. Octopussy is definitely a leg girl.
Some kind person, who was locked in the kitchen cooked up a slab of cow, slapped some butter in some rolls and we combined them with gravy for a healthy carno dinner. There was some sort of seeds on the rolls for that bit of vegan in us all. Opps and there was a curried egg side dish. Which was for the vegos I guess. Or seconds for some of us. Couldn’t believe how much Spec could eat. Slang put in a funding request which was happily accepted but cost her a down down and a bit of an icing.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Venue:Leaving from Cable Beach car park. Meet on the grass next to Zander's.
Time:545pm meet & leave at 6pm
Red Dress Run.
Proceeds to Children's Medical Research Institute - gotta make sure our little kiddies are looked after! Bring some extra cash if you would like to donate any extra to the cause.
The usual $5 run/walk money will all go to this charity
Octopussy is doing the food
On On Barge
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
So Grunter and Glamour Puss managed to set a Roebuck run that actually stayed in Roebuck and was even mildly unshit. Thirty seven people and only lost a group of half a dozen or so who probably did leave Roey. It’s simple guys, just follow the arrows, there was plenty of them. The things on Gubinge may look like arrows, I agree, but the real ones aren’t painted on the middle of the road and have a pointy bit on one end. We emptied the esky at the hash halt and got sick of waiting for the fast boys so we took off. A.T. thought he could outsprint Faucet but they both gave up at the first roundabout. The walkers made it back on time and only the lost boys straggled in late. Flash big deck for the circle. Butter Bitch did the job and did pretty well for a boy. Although he had a bit of trouble controlling the enforcers. The hares got the toilet seat with Grunter using the hash pipe. She did a pretty good job and set a good example for those yet to pour beer all over there face. Your turn will come! We had a few returnees and 5 virgins who did the dance around the Inca rock while we sang Madonnas finest. Slang. What was that thing on your head and where did it come from? I like it. Good look. Not sure why you ended up with it though. While I’m talking about you I should just remind you that as a new Australian, pussy and pussy are homonyms and are two completely different words and care must be taken when combining the word pussy with the word sores. I realise the one you were referring to was the yellowish or greenish fluid that forms at sites of infection, consisting of dead white blood cells, dead tissue, bacteria, and blood serum but for the others within ear range that were not looking at your legs this may lead to the spreading of unwanted rumours. Speaking of Pox, we had 3 namings Pox, Tinny Arse and Guzzleguts. Pox I’m not sure about but the other two had something to do with winning a boat and drinking beer, Fair enough. The media fines somehow turned into a farcical boat race with the Hashdragonboat team obliterating their Zumbarring opponents. Barge and Downsatirs servicing were misbehaving and ended up having to sit their smart arses in the esky of ice. They both seemed to enjoy it so I doubt it will curtail their insubordination. And Red, what’s this facebook shit. Who’s ever heard of facebook? I’m still trying to understand this texting shit. Maybe I should get a different colour texta. The food was roll up thingies and chocolate cake. Bordering on healthy I’d say.
Photos this week are courtesy of Deep Throat who obviously has more than one talent. Or maybe not.