Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR
Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free;
We’ve golden soil and wealth for toil;
Our home is girt by sea;
Our land abounds in nature’s gifts
Of beauty rich and rare;
In history’s page, let every stage
Advance Australia Fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Advance Australia Fair.
Beneath our radiant Southern Cross
We’ll toil with hearts and hands;
To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands;
For those who’ve come across the seas
We’ve boundless plains to share;
With courage let us all combine
To Advance Australia Fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Drink it down down down….
Well there ya go Slang, now you’re an Aussie you can sing this every morning when you get up, like we all do. You know how people just hum bits of songs they don’t know and sing the chorusy bits well I was amazed when I looked up the words to AAF and realised it’s probably the first time I’ve ever seen them. With who’ve and we’ve and girt and abounds and joyful strains and boundless plains how the hell do new Australians understand what it’s all on about. Maybe it’s just me; maybe I should stop crapping on and write the blog. Slang set the run with Muppet who finally got her legs out of the air for long enough to chalk and flour the streets of Cable Beach and Minyir Park. Shit run but over thirty people turned up to do it. We must be starting to draw attention to ourselves as we run en mass in our multi-coloured regalia. I’ve even succumb to buying a colour shirt so I look like all you other yobos.
The circle was huge, with everyone getting just over a ten degree share. I’m assuming that went over your heads so read on. We had lots of returnees, a visitor and only one virgin which means there mustn’t be much on tele or sex is over-rated or they’re already banged up. Congrats Maestro and Arseabout. We had a naming or maybe we didn’t, I can’t remember. We had a few media fines for Red, Cracker and Butterbitch. The Tri crew had to drink a beer for training. Faucet was made have a down down for a slight error in dates for the dragon boat training but he had an excuse as 100 out of 99 people suffer from dyslexia and he also has early onset dementia. There were a few who made some effort in the dress up department with Rash wearing a nice Aussie cape and Softy wearing the pants to match. The Food. Traditional Aussie Butter Chicken and Rogan Josh with rice, Indian poppadums and Aussie chocy sided drop bears for desert. Sort of a biblical loaves and fishes effort for Slang to feed so many people. Almost everyone stayed for dinner. Her reputation for shit runs and good food was unfortunately ruined by the run. Blame Muppet.
Monday, August 23, 2010
When: 22nd and 23rd October 2010
Where: Middle Lagoon, Dampier Peninsula
Registration fee: $50
Friday night Pre-amble: Boat races
Saturday morning: Massive R&R
Saturday afternoon: 500th Run starts 3.00 pm, run finishes about 5pm
Saturday night: BBQ and Camp oven Dinner with entertainment that’s anything but!
Sunday morning: Recovery run for those who are able!
Accommodation options for the 22nd 23rd of Oct, for Middle Lagoon
Semi Self Contained $150pn (up to 4 people) limited available
Powered Camping Site $20pp / pn
Unpowered Camping Site $15pp / pn
Book through Derby Visitor Centre
9191 1426 (1800 621 426) email@example.com
Sex: Boobs / Balls / Both
Shirt*: Yes / Nah bugger it (*Extra $30 per person)
***Contact Dags to RSVP and pay ***
***0419 917 075 firstname.lastname@example.org***
***Westpac - BSB: 036 187 ACT: 170 783 Darren Cross***
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Well then. It’s been a while since a normal Roebuck Estate run. You know the sort where you run around through a suburb of similar houses in repetitive curved, circular dead-ended streets and winding pindan drains. Back fences and barking dogs but this time we got to look for pink and blue tape instead of flour (I guess you could call it a gluten free run). Actually we may have to peruse the OH&S regs to see if it’s safe to follow tapes hidden in trees while running in the dark. It may be fine for a Woodpecker but a bit tricky for the rest of us. Regardless of the trail it seemed to end up with the same result of Roey runs where the pack gets split up and only those who run with the hare make it home on time. Didn’t hear the trumpet after the first corner.
I think it was two dozen that went out and about 24 came home. Red and the Ruby Dog took on the RA role. We toasted the pair of big bellied hares, Gash and Woodpecker for a shit run and I think I saw Gash’s beer end up on Woody’s head.
We had a few returnees like Slowlane and Perky and just the one virgin. She seemed a bit of a slow skoller but made up for it by trying to start early, even before we sang the virginsong. Considering it’s probably our best song we had to start her off again but then she ended up going for the beer shampoo option. We had another naming this week with the young blonde doctor ending up with Fingers. Something to do with an old injury??? It was almost Fingered but it was a few of the older males who whimped out on that one. I think there could be a few risqué names now that we have Wetspot on board. Virgins beware. The big item for the night after a section of adds on Dragon boats, Triathalons and dog bondage was the acknowledgement of the current old man of Hash’s one hundredth run. As one of the founders of our current Hash it took a while but he finally made it. This is a good time to call him a fuckwit as I can do this as he never reads the blog anyway. Wanker. No not really, He’s actually a bit of a legend even if he is mellowing with age. Well done Cockup.
Last but not least was the food. Everyone queued up like Afghani refugees post Ramadan to devour a whole pot of
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Well Fanta Pants really knows how to put on a show. Over thirty people graced the front yard of the Demco elite to experience one the best Hash nights we’ve had for a while. For some reason, maybe mob mentality or maybe ranga innocence most people seemed to follow Fanta Pants as she headed off on all the long false trails (she was trained by Faucet you dickheads). It did make for a nice beach jog and bush walk though. I wonder what those locals perched high on their balconies sipping their evening cocktails thought about the sound and light show as the cacophony of on ons and lights did circles around the soft sandy tracks of the sewerage pond dunes. The hashers finally left the bush to only end up doing a bit more in the backyard of Bran Nue Day. Probably had the residents there a bit worried as they saw the lights coming for them from the bush but then hey, they probably can’t remember it now. The piece de resistance would have to be the hash halt at the Satay Hut. We quadrupled the patronage and doubled the work of the bar staff as the 31 of us rushed in, downed a beer and were off again. It was a simple run back to the Rotunda on the edge of Antartica where the wind chill factor was pushing zero. The circle was pretty great as we huddled around the no alcohol sign and AT the RA put in his best effort so far. I’m wetting my pants waiting to tell you the funny bit but you’ll just have to wait a little longer. The hares Fanta pants and Faucet got the first down down. I thought it was a bit unfair as I only set the on backs and not the trail but then who am I to complain about free beer. We had Crusty visit us all the way from NZ where men are men (and sheep are nervous), we had the Christmas island pair with us again, a few semi regular returnees and then 3 VIRGINS. We are getting the virgin song down pat now but then AT pulled out a real clanger as he assembled the 3 innoncent newbies in the centre of the circle. He told them that hash tradition required them to hold hands and then dance around in an anticlockwise direction as we sang the virgin song. It was pretty hard to sing and laugh at the same time but we somehow managed and they are now inducted into the hash house hall of fame as the virgin hash dancers. Having a big crowd was great for the singing and for the two other big events for the night Firstly, the girl who has been desperate for a name finally got one. It’s taken a while but finally a name came back from her early hash days when she set a run on a rainy dry season night down at the Surf Club. Drawing a long bow, she set her run in a wet spot and as a consequence of her poor choice of nights she will now be forever known as Wetspot. AT christened her in the traditional manner and she was finally officially welcomed to our slightly dysfunctional family. Speaking of slightly dysfunctional, the last but not least event for the night was the man of colour’s 100th run. As AT mentioned, to achieve such a feat he must have attended at least every second run and considering this was his second attempt at doing his one hundredth it must be about right. Congratulations RED, at last you reached one of the pinnacles of Broome hashdom. Like Muppet and Kamakazie before you, you have now experienced 100 routes, sang hundreds of songs, stood in a hundred circles and downed countless beers. Congratulations from us all.
To finish off, actually to swiss off we had a great stodgy risotto. It okay as I’m sure that word doesn’t translate. On a chilly Broome night there were copious amounts of the warm stuff to fill our bellies followed up by chilli chocolate. I made a funny. There was also pear and blueberry and orange and mint but hey why the fuck would you produce a salty chocolate. Anyway, off to work now.
Like a virgin, Wooo……
Saturday, August 7, 2010
You know those weeks when you wish you had superhuman powers so you could get all the stuff done as well as all the unexpected things that suddenly pop up; well I’ve had one of those weeks. I tried the HHH Superhero night but despite my fantastic costume it didn’t give me any extra powers. Actually it just seemed like I was dressed up in silly clothes and running around like an idiot with just my normal powers. It was great to see I was not alone, in fact almost everyone made the effort to be superhero for the night. I figured a collage was the best way to do justice to the protagonists.
Pash was the hare and sent us in search of superhero cards. I thought those of us who live higher up the tree would collect multiple cards to swap at the end but alas I think that was probably just me. I’m not sure what the prize was and I didn’t see who won it. For the regular readers of this blog, I’ll give you a little tip. You should always dress up on dress up nights and wear a mask or a wig so that when you walk into places like Matso’s asking where they’re hiding the superhero cards that the staff and or patrons can’t see who you are. They can only see your side kick in the hash teeshirt and while you can tell them your hash name (or your superhero name) it really only covers anonymity not invisibility. The same goes for the walkers when the Faucenator asked the police if they needed a hand removing a couple of itinerants from the front of the police station. Fortunately they said they had things under control although they did mention they could have used me 5 minutes earlier. I must take this opportunity to thank Slang, Pash and Stealth for my fantastic attire, especially the fake floppy hairy pot belly part. The circle was a little slow to get started as the inaugural gathering of superheros was obviously side tracking the official part of the proceedings. Speaking of non superheros or maybe real life superheros, Muppet and Cockup disappeared before the circle. Naughty naughty. There was lots of down downs, a virgin, a few returnees. There were a couple of guy superheros who obviously had stowed their wallets, phones and keys down the front of their jocks and didn’t get frisked or down downed. The food as usual at the Pash house was great. Sticky noodles and meatballs.
Anyway, as I now realise I don’t really have superpowers I have to get off my ass and get on with my mere mortal life. So should you! Onon.