Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Fucking Rat. The Monday morning run was great. Took a moment to find the start but eventually located a lot of dodgy looking people hanging around the Public Toilet near the Fisheries building. At first I thought that Director had just done a really flash poster for the run but we were later to realise he wasn’t joking and it was hard bloody work. As the add clearly stated “it’s no girls blouse walk”. Fortunately I wasn’t wearing one.
You’d think that people who set runs in cars would be able to look at the odometer occasionally and realise that the numbers mean kilometres. Saying all that there was a bit of bush stuff involved which was nice virgin bush I’d never seen and Crackafat, the girl who owns all the land in Broome had never seen Entrance Point. The only decent ‘on back’ we saw was in the Carpark and that wasn’t meant to be found. I don’t know either? The view from the hill was pretty speckie (is that a real word?). We saw the Oceanic Viking cruise past but it didn’t come anywhere near us societal refugees as it was probably worried we might clamber aboard and not get off and they’re sick of that. Faucet did a spectacular roll down a sand dune suffering only minor grazing, due most likely to the beer he had prior to the run. After a slight scare the camera cranked up again. Gash walked with the lazy people, except for Quickie who has a dicky knee. The Hash halt near Gantheume was welcome before the beach trek back to the start. None of us had goggles with us so we have to take Directors word that the flour was still there under 3 metres of water.
The last of the runners got in at 9.30am. Did I mention it was a long run. Not Porno and Fishfingers around the airport long but long all the same. We had one virgin, a regular Bullsbrook visitor and a few returnees, the most notable being Alpha who finally received her 50th run mug. Speaking of mugs, I took one for the boys when two women looked twice through the mug box for Westpacs mug and couldn’t find it and then I had a man’s look, with my aging eyes and located it straight away. I’m not sure what Anal was doing with the down downs but they were pretty sus looking. I saw him put Emu draft, champagne and orange juice in mine. It actually made the emu bearable. There was no way Alpha was going to down her second one so she poured it onto her head. Probably bald now. We also had the Hash Trailer on show. It came fully loaded with mini hashers. (See photo) (Come on, squint your eyes and use your imagination here). The Brekkie as promised was superb. A traditional Australian American Mexican Anzac feast. You lazy people who slept in or went to work or were on holidays or having sex really missed out on a good feed. We must thank Fisheries for the use of their front lawn. Anyway, I have a rat to catch. Beep Beep!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I have a rat. Do you care? No. Then stop reading. See, you do care. It is in the wall behind my bed and wakes me up about 5.00 am. At the moment the rat is winning. He thinks I feed him with entertaining contraptions that make meal times a challenge. I must admit he is a cute rat as I have seen him/her/it and have worked out how it is getting into the wall but before I can block off the access point I need to disappear the rat. You may be asking what all this has to do with Hash? Nothing.
The hares, Pash, Stealth and Franger set three quarters of a great run. I unfortunately missed their last treasure so I have nothing to compare but this one was good run until it got a bit messy around the Boulevard and the runners didn’t quite go where they were supposed to. Then the tr ail was lost and twenty seven of us were left to wander arrowlessly through the dodgy back blocks of old Broome in the dark. I think it was Fishfingers who said her GPSpedometerthingy said she ran 6.1kms but then she usually shortcuts where she can. Mmmm. I tagged along with the Virgin backpackers who turned up late and mostly in thongs. Faucet knew the two American girls and somehow assumed they were all yanks as they had funny accents and then as he was explaining ANZAC day to them one of the guys said, “it’s okay mate, I’m from Adelaide” Two of the others were from Estonia I think. Probably the first Estonians we’ve had to Broome Hash. We also had a slut from Derby Hash. Doesn’t that sound terrible! She was a lovely girl and it’s not her fault she doesn’t have a name. Sounds like Derby Hash are big drinkers. Maybe they should just name all their runners after brands of beer. Yamashitta also dragged her sibling Yamashittasister along to see what she gets up to on Monday nights. And Slang, she was late and came dressed in work clothes which shows dedication but still didn’t stop her from getting a down down and some ice cold water. It was good to see she was back in fine form again. Director led the circle. Not too many charges which was fortunate as the down downs had a sort of brown frothy scum on them. Don’t think we had any Matsos Ginger beer and therefore used a dodgy generic brand? Bits of good news though. The trailer was there. Looks great. And about fucking time….the Tshirts arrived, and they look great too. Well done to all those involved in the shirts and trailer. Free down downs next week I propose. While all this was going on Pash was like the little suburban house wife of yesteryear toiling away in the kitchen with the butter chicken curry. It tasted delicious and I’m sure only those of us who had burnt the bottom of the saucepan before realised what that hidden flavour was. The backpackers would have enjoyed any meal that did not involve tuna or two minute noodles. Great job girls. Next week. Director. The Port. Anzac Day
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Gash, you let your mother read this stuff? And Porno. Who else told their mothers about this blog? I’m just glad my mother is 150 years old and is too scared to sit in the same room as a computer in case she gets a virus. The run. Hare Gash and Hare Woodpecker set a pretty typical virgin run. I say this as I managed to lead the pack of 27 almost all the way without taking any false trails and was even back first. I know this because history is written by the winners. It was a good but short workout and the pool beckoned but there were already a few extra pool toys in the pool when we got there. Blame and Shame is alive and well on this blog. Shortctters! Quickie, Muppet and Two Dogs. The pool eventually filled up until Cockup dragged us all out for the circle. Hares first. Then poor Faucet was dragged up for some trumped up crap for training in his thongs, Come on, he should be praised. The charge degenerated in to a song for old bastards when Cockup was dragged in. The down down was so cold it is definitely appropriate to use the adjective fucking. I don’t know how people can drink them so quick without getting brain freeze. No, forget that last sentence as I just worked it out. Muppet just tipped hers out and I must say she is getting much better at it as she ages. And Red and someone just chucked theirs at each other. And Red, where are the Tee shirts? You should be a politician. You not only never answered the question but you constantly changed the subject, and what’s with the look on your face in this photo. Blondie the tri-athlete graced us with his presence, good to see you on your tri-annual run. Nice to have Slang back although she was pretty mellow. No Virgins but hamburgers and chicken burgers and ice cold Beer.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Well it’s a bit late and I really want to go to bed so I don’t actually want to pontificate for long and besides I don’t know what that means but it sounds good. Maybe it’s something I could do in bed? Only 20 people were uninebriated enough or lacking torpidity to participate after the Easter break. Anyway, you know I don’t want to blow my own trumpet but hey, great run, great food, great company. I guess I’m starting to vociferate but I do try to sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolixity, psittaceous vacuity, ventriloquial verbosity, and vaniloquent vapidity but sometimes it’s a little difficult. It’s pretty lugubrious when thesaurus .com replaces sex. Anal did the circle. Faucet and Porno the hares. 2 virgins who walked faster than most of the runners. Happi came back. Woodpecker nearly got the wanker song for Gash’s little Hash Package until someone picked up on the faux pas. Butterbitch, dickhead, fell of his bike. Nice macula!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
It’s okay to have a beer at 10.00am if you are writing the blog. Isn’t it! Yesterday was a really hard day and I went to bed early and didn’t get to have a beer, so it’s really just catch-up. So, Quickies run. No on ons just two twos and three Kings. Actually I had 7 Kings and an ace and whoever it was standing next to me said I must have cheated but then I saw they had 5 sevens. That’s a pathetic half arsed attempt at middle of the road I didn’t cheat poker. The worst poker cheating player of all would have to Yamashitta who showed her 5 lousy cards to Quickie at the orange stop at the Budda Sanctuary and then with the most pathetic of lies tried to explain how she happened to have 5 cards after 3 stops. You need lying lessons girl. Come to my place, my kids are expert con artists and will give you a few tips. And poor Quickie, great idea for a run but the look of amazement on her face when she discovered more than half the runners cheated was priceless. So sweet and innocent. Fancy making us run to five pubs and not stop in any of them for a beer. Actually I think a few people did. Half-arsed? And Director, you were pretty late back. If you took all the shortcuts including getting through the high fence that ripped the crutch out of Faucets shorts then it was a 5.5 km run. Hey maybe Hash should do a group pub crawl run through every bar in Broome. Now there’s a good idea! Speaking of not good ideas. Slowlane and Porno had a bit of a testosterone tussle on the footpath outside Budda’s house. 30 hard and fast pushups. Not sure what the passer-bys thought, some new prayer to Budda or just a couple a couple of guys who hadn’t noticed that their girlfriends had left while they were busy checking each other out. Back at down down central everyone enjoyed the cooling Indian Ocean breezes. We had quite a few returnees that needed a Matso’s ginger beer and XXXX down down. Sadly they had lame excuses about having been away working. Hey Slang and Red, where are you guys? I think there was just the one virgin who is a Matsos employee. We had a naming which is always nice. The girl who runs Ironman’s was named “Hardcore”. A few people said that Hardcore was a bit of a lame name but they were probably just the one’s who haven’t looked at the tabs on a porn site on the web and almost certainly didn’t cheat at Quickies poker. Nice healthy food, rolls and meat and salad and fruit washed down by cool beer overlooking Cable Beach. What a pleasant way to spend a Monday evening. What are those flashy things up the side of Crakers pants and shirt and who's the guy on the right, looks like we brought in more serious enforcers!