Friday, January 22, 2010

Run #3446 The Trash

Well great to look on the website and see the literary linage of crap has been maintained in my absence. Great job Bookshop Boy. As some of you already know I went to KL (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia) for a few days and happened to be able to visit the Mecca of Hashdom. The Mother Hash. So you get to read, should you choose to do so, my version of what it was like.There are something like 26 Hash Clubs in and around KL which probably makes sense as it was where it all started in 1938. I chose the Mother Hash as why wouldn’t you. The first problem was getting to the On On (Start). I had to leave at 4.30 pm to make sure I got there on time. God I love Broome. They used to have the runs closer the city but many of their old haunts are now highways and housing developments. I rang the hare to find out if I could maybe get a lift out with someone but unfortunately that week’s hare didn’t speak much English so I opted for a taxi. The poor taxi driver had no idea where to go and although the directions to the run site were good it was a long way out of town and way out of his comfort zone, especially when we ended up on these small windy roads in the jungle. He didn’t speak English and couldn’t follow directions, even in his own language when I found someone who new where we had to go but we eventually got there with 5 mins to spare. Compared to Broome it was a large turnout. About 70 people, all male, predominately Chinese, 2 visitors (both Aussies) and 1 virgin. The run is set with small squares of paper which have the mother hash 1938 logo on them. Statistically each person sets one run every one and a half years. They use about 2500 squares of paper per run! You follow the paper trail until you come to a small stack of papers which is a check. You then have to search the various paths until you find the start of the paper trail again. Once this happens the guy with the horn picks up the stack of paper and then fills in the gap between the check and the start of the discovered trail with torn papers and honks his horn. It works well and was great for the slow people like me. Yes I know in Broome I’m not slow but in Malaysia they have hills. Fucking huge ones. The trail was on an old rubber plantation that had just been cleared (and was being replanted). There were hundreds of trails traversing the cliff faces and valleys. I worked up a good sweat even though I was towards the back with the walkers. Similar temp to Broome but not so muggy. I got to chat to a few of the guys; they all seemed pretty friendly although their English and Chinese accents varied greatly. We made it back just before dark and then most people drank one of those sports drinks for rehydration and then onto the Tiger beer.
Most people had little shower setups or water buckets in their cars and got cleaned up before the circle. Then I noticed a few things different to how we do things in Broome. People sit down in chairs in a semi circle and the people having down downs stand up the front on upturned beer crates. The On-sec, Barry was Canadian guy and he was the Religious Adviser for the circle. The On-sec does everything and has that role for one year only. He was wearing a jacket which had been embroidered with the name of every On-sec for Mother Hash since 1938. All the proceedings were in English with the occasional Chinese translation. One of the guys was telling me that many people join to practice or learn English. A few of the songs were similar to the ones we sing although with a Chinese accent. There was one Chinese song which sounded pretty cool so I asked what it was about and it roughly translates to I licked your grandmothers pussy….(and gets worse from there). They don’t really follow through on the down, down, down bit and people just drink until they finish it. Sorry Slang, no enforcer. Probably the most amazing thing is that they don’t have hash names, they just use their normal names. I ended up having two down downs, one for being a guest and the other for saying the “unmentionable” when I was talking about myself.
I mentioned the opposite sex which brought on a ruckus and an immediate down down. One other guy did the same a bit later. The circle went on for half an hour and was entertaining. The hare actually drinks from one of those bottles that you pee in when you can’t get out of bed in hospital. Good Idea. Any of you hospital staff know how to acquire a stainless steel one of those? They actually ran out of beer by the end of the circle and then one of the guys gave me a lift to a nearby restaurant where most people went for the feed which was included in the guest fee of RM35 (about 12 bucks) as well as the beers after the run. The food was good, wild boar, lotus leaves, you know, just the same stuff we usually have. You chipped in for the beers with the meal, the Chinese tea was free and everyone made you feel welcome. One of the guys then drove me back into KL, all the way to where I was staying which was great. If you ever get the chance it’s definitely worth the effort to do a run with Mother Hash. Hope the Broome runs went well and I’ll be back next Monday wearing my flash new mother hash tee shirt.

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