Sunday, January 31, 2010
Excuses, excuses, excuses, got heaps but you probably don’t give a shit so I won’t bother. Got the photos of the Aussie Day run loaded early though. In the wrong place but getting better. And just to set things straight, I didn’t take all the ass shots. Seems like every time someone new gets the camera we end up with ass shots, and not the best ones (which would be okay). What a great night Barge put on. 32 people. Wow! And only 5 of them virgins. The run was long and arduous. Following pink ribbons which disappeared after we ran passed them and unfortunately matched some faded ones from an old run in
drink the esky dry and did. It was great having Analtool back as R.A and there were plenty of down downs to hand out. Some of the one’s I remember were Faucet drinking out of his new shoe, Conchie downing the nectar via a new thong (aussie footwear item) and the 3 stooges, Pash, Slang and Stealth funnelled theirs through their hats. We had two namings with Butterbitch finally getting a jersey and Yamashitta adding some asian influence to our growing list of Hash names. Things are going well with names, only a couple left to be named. I wasn’t around last week but one of the girls was christened Crackafat.
An interesting story to go with that one I’m sure. The food. Yum. My favourite Australian dish, meat pies and chips and then lamingtons. The Spa. Old record 9 people, new record 16. That’s what I call an achievement. It started off mellow enough with a couple of blokes dining peacefully a la some snobby Gentlemen’s club and then ended up some gargantuan aquatic brothel with hundreds of body parts slithering around in a soup of foam and salty sweat. Some people actually enjoyed the bonding experience or for some temporary anatomical expansion found them unable to get out. I went home; it was all too much for me. And that was just Australia Day eve..
Friday, January 29, 2010
I had Tom Ford lined up to put them together but he's just been on the phone saying he's been more into film now than fashion. Oh well!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Well great to look on the website and see the literary linage of crap has been maintained in my absence. Great job Bookshop Boy. As some of you already know I went to KL (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia) for a few days and happened to be able to visit the Mecca of Hashdom. The Mother Hash. So you get to read, should you choose to do so, my version of what it was like.There are something like 26 Hash Clubs in and around KL which probably makes sense as it was where it all started in 1938. I chose the Mother Hash as why wouldn’t you. The first problem was getting to the On On (Start). I had to leave at 4.30 pm to make sure I got there on time. God I love Broome. They used to have the runs closer the city but many of their old haunts are now highways and housing developments. I rang the hare to find out if I could maybe get a lift out with someone but unfortunately that week’s hare didn’t speak much English so I opted for a taxi. The poor taxi driver had no idea where to go and although the directions to the run site were good it was a long way out of town and way out of his comfort zone, especially when we ended up on these small windy roads in the jungle. He didn’t speak English and couldn’t follow directions, even in his own language when I found someone who new where we had to go but we eventually got there with 5 mins to spare. Compared to Broome it was a large turnout. About 70 people, all male, predominately Chinese, 2 visitors (both Aussies) and 1 virgin. The run is set with small squares of paper which have the mother hash 1938 logo on them. Statistically each person sets one run every one and a half years. They use about 2500 squares of paper per run! You follow the paper trail until you come to a small stack of papers which is a check. You then have to search the various paths until you find the start of the paper trail again. Once this happens the guy with the horn picks up the stack of paper and then fills in the gap between the check and the start of the discovered trail with torn papers and honks his horn. It works well and was great for the slow people like me. Yes I know in Broome I’m not slow but in Malaysia they have hills. Fucking huge ones. The trail was on an old rubber plantation that had just been cleared (and was being replanted). There were hundreds of trails traversing the cliff faces and valleys. I worked up a good sweat even though I was towards the back with the walkers. Similar temp to Broome but not so muggy. I got to chat to a few of the guys; they all seemed pretty friendly although their English and Chinese accents varied greatly. We made it back just before dark and then most people drank one of those sports drinks for rehydration and then onto the Tiger beer.
Most people had little shower setups or water buckets in their cars and got cleaned up before the circle. Then I noticed a few things different to how we do things in Broome. People sit down in chairs in a semi circle and the people having down downs stand up the front on upturned beer crates. The On-sec, Barry was Canadian guy and he was the Religious Adviser for the circle. The On-sec does everything and has that role for one year only. He was wearing a jacket which had been embroidered with the name of every On-sec for Mother Hash since 1938. All the proceedings were in English with the occasional Chinese translation. One of the guys was telling me that many people join to practice or learn English. A few of the songs were similar to the ones we sing although with a Chinese accent. There was one Chinese song which sounded pretty cool so I asked what it was about and it roughly translates to I licked your grandmothers pussy….(and gets worse from there). They don’t really follow through on the down, down, down bit and people just drink until they finish it. Sorry Slang, no enforcer. Probably the most amazing thing is that they don’t have hash names, they just use their normal names. I ended up having two down downs, one for being a guest and the other for saying the “unmentionable” when I was talking about myself.
I mentioned the opposite sex which brought on a ruckus and an immediate down down. One other guy did the same a bit later. The circle went on for half an hour and was entertaining. The hare actually drinks from one of those bottles that you pee in when you can’t get out of bed in hospital. Good Idea. Any of you hospital staff know how to acquire a stainless steel one of those? They actually ran out of beer by the end of the circle and then one of the guys gave me a lift to a nearby restaurant where most people went for the feed which was included in the guest fee of RM35 (about 12 bucks) as well as the beers after the run. The food was good, wild boar, lotus leaves, you know, just the same stuff we usually have. You chipped in for the beers with the meal, the Chinese tea was free and everyone made you feel welcome. One of the guys then drove me back into KL, all the way to where I was staying which was great. If you ever get the chance it’s definitely worth the effort to do a run with Mother Hash. Hope the Broome runs went well and I’ll be back next Monday wearing my flash new mother hash tee shirt.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Foreign (Queensland) Synthetic
Anyone daring enough to sponsor us?
With a faint nod to Australia Day 'round the corner and Slang's burgeoning vocabulary the run consisted of a series of missing clues, a badly drawn map and most of the dodgier parts of Broome. (We had started from Tamika Court after all)
What a great concept - using anachronistic colloquialisms from the 50s and 60s taped to poles in obscure locations all over town.
There was a naming born of this though and Crack a Fat (Another oddly-accented Hasher) leapt forth into the HHH world.
Awesome spread as usual and I'm not referring to anyone's waistline -
Besides NEITHER of them actually running on the night the entire run had been set by car (not bothering to keep off the verge and leaving tyre tracks everywhere for starters!)
More to come.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
A large crowd gathered on the front lawn of arseabout's house. Someone was seen wringing the very air to fill their water bottle - it was that hot and wet.
A shabby, obese group of returnees and some taught fit regulars made up the field. Plus a couple of walkers, an insignificant dog and someone's pet.
Half Arse could barely be and started the run with a 100m handicap.
Dead things galore assaulted our senses - I think we ran past a dead cow - I'm a little concerned that the Airport Fireys are conducting animal sacrifices over the back fence, there was that many of them.
We again tested the security arrangements around the airport perimeter - Hash still has not had a member specially rendered it won't be long and I reckon it'll be Slang as the most middle eastern looking hasher we've got since Chards and his beard left (and she'd probably enjoy it the most).
Horns were sorely missed but we had Maestro squeezing his bulb for all it was worth.
Yet another virgin was despoiled - although she was certainly very reluctant to own up to it!
A farewell to Spec for 6 months and an almost naming - Steve had new laces and was subsequently fined very slim and a grasping of down down straws - I'd suggested fines for NEW ideas too if I thought we'd ever catch anyone with one.
Awesome spread as usual, with dessert. Who can beat Bangers and Mash when it is 130% Humidity and at least 40 degrees? I can't remember what dessert was - Hot Fudge Cake?????
What a shitty RA we had. Thank God Anal is back on the Job.
Apologies if I haven't insulted everybody - let me know at the run and I'll make it up to you in person.
Red (Guest Trasher in the absence of ..........)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Venue-changed multiple times but is currently at Pashs abode at 5/76 Tameka Court (close to Town Beach), Robinson st, M-0413290816.
Food & Drink (Slang will not be there if there is no food, she only comes to Hash so she gets fed on a monday evening and if Slang is doing the catering there has to be PUDDING!)
When-not long before it gets dark
Oh yeah there should be some running too.
Bargey You might need one of these.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Just realised, Mondays run was the first run for the decade. What an auspicious run for a virgin Hare. The girl whose identity can’t be mentioned as she is yet to be named set a great run in spite of having to deal with her co hare Faucet’s self perpetuated reputation of legendary run setting. Many discovered all the false trails which made it a long run but with those Chrissy kilos to loose it was all good. The Hash Halt was probably her only downfall, no beer or icy pole thingies. The turnout was great with about 19 turning up and most staying for a feed. A great 3 course meal, as long as you count the beer as one of the courses. Great food, fancy beer, we’re turning into some sort of flash elusive restaurant. Back at the circle Faucet ended up Religious Adviser again. Don’t know where Red is,