Wednesday, December 22, 2010

RUN # 208 27DEC


Hares - Barge and Grunter
5.45 for a 6.00 OFF
Slater Road, Cable Beach

Bring Bathers and a sense of love for your fellow man for the after-run Spa.

(Barge said the bathers were optional)

Food & Drink

Monday, December 20, 2010

RUN #207 20DEC Tinsel Up!

Pre-empt Christmas day by eating and drinking too much and mouthing of at auntie Doreen at the Annual Christmas Hash Party celebration run thing.

Hares are Jack Off & Wombat

Venue:26 Hunter St, Stratco Yard.

545pm leave at 6pm

Christmas dress up theme - Wear something christmassy!

Food & Drinks

Leave your car at home-don't drink & drive stupid! (Bike Riding Drunk is Fun!)
Or leave your car there and cab it or get a lift home or sleep in Wombat's Office.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Well the generous offer at this night's Hash of the opportunity to join the Bloomsbury group of Broome Hash Trashers and bask in the glory of Trashendom has been categorically ignored/overlooked and indeed passed over (jewish reference for christmas).

So here I am, not working but blogging.......

Auspicious start to Monday's Hash - Red actually remembered the Ginger Beer (courtesy of Matsos Broome Brewery - try the Chilli Crab Linguine and the Red Nose Reindeer Beer.

Faucet was not late! Though he wasn't there........

Octopussy got everyone's blood up with a stirring mumble about the run written on the back of an envelope. There was mention of checks so no-one can whinge about them though people probably expected the odd arrow between the checks (there were three).

Picture running from one check to another check yelling checking and then arriving at aforesaid check only to yell checking when in reality you are now on because you've passed two checks EXCEPT that you are no longer on because you just ran through a check and should be in fact yell out CHECKING!


That said a nice traditional look at me run through Broome past the Roey. Slang picked up a bloke there as she ran past - (they are quite choosy).

Kennedy Hill was included in the mix and Faucet installed someone on teh corner to help us along - I think they use her voice on those GPSs that people have in tehir cars. Hands up if she called you a fat Bastard!

Slow Lane was seen meandering between Monnlight Bay and Matsos doing his "I'm working" thing but in reality having just walked out f a private drinking session with Blondie.

Newly weds Anal and Westpac were back. Both straight back into their old roles - Hash-wise I mean I'm sure they are still relishing their post marital blissedness.

Round and round Broome everyone went - most checks were come at from at least 3 different directions - I think Conchie and a person whose name escapes me (he's that fast!) claim to have done the whole thing.

Woodpecker went with Red in search of one of Red's old routes but the fences had been changed and they forced back and went home early.

Stealth got left on her own Again. The Walkers, Pushers and Cripples were not seen after the courthouse.

Back for circle and swimming and down downs and swimming and bombies and tacos/wraps and Stealth dove into the pool with Deep Throats keys in her pocket to see if the immoboliser was waterproof (It was).

A naming was made Poke Her Hontas joins Broome Hash. And we had one of those screaming yelling toing and froing namings - the Hospital sub crew screeched away for ten minutes and then Wombat came up with Simply Med and that's what it is. This was another record, an immediately named virgin in an enormous turn out of several dozen.
Uranus did his greek thing crushing bottles under his feet and dancing the Zorba.

As the nigth wore the numbers of hashers and Beers dwindled.

Deep Throat admitted to being single and then having slept with with a curry (not sexually satisfying but quite tasty and made better conversation then her ex. apparently. (I don't think that was confidential...)

Grunter, Uranus, God Knows, Octopussy and Faucet kicked on for some time then another brief flurry of bombies in the pool and an end was called.

That'll do. Bogger had the camera. God knows what she did with the pictures.

RUN #207 20DEC

Hares are Jack Off & Wombat

Venue:26 Hunter St, Stratco Yard.

545pm leave at 6pm

Christmas dress up theme - Wear something christmassy!

Food & Drinks

Leave your car at home-don't drink & drive stupid! (Bike Riding Drunk is Fun!)
Or leave your car there and cab it or get a lift home or sleep in Wombat's Office.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Run# 206 December 13th

Hares Faucet & Octopussy

Venue 10 Stewart

Monday 13 545pm leave 6pm


Bring your bathers

Public Apology

I'm either too busy or too stuffed to do the blog lately. I will return (unless some other sucker wants the job).

Monday, December 6, 2010

RUn #203 The Red TRASH

Done without the aid of photos!

It started at the Kimberley Wilderness/APT depo5t started well then my crap dog stopped running and I went home then came back with a different attitude.

I think slops kidnapped a dog from somewhere. Cockup and Max (insert hash name here) subwayed us.

A good run apparently nothing too daring but still cockup is ninety so getting up in the morning must be damned fulfilling at his age.

There was a very big fan which wafted BO across the throng.

Down downs there were a few


There won't be any photos on this blog for fear it may incriminate someone.....

A bucket of Veet wouldn't have removed the amount of hair on display at Entrance Point last Monday Night - and that was just the girls!

A great many firsts were established in what turned out to be a cracking run amongst through under and around some of the most diverse terrain available to hashers in Broome;

The howling wind saw the introduction of piles of rocks/sticks and charcoal as markers.
Hermit crabs don't eat sawdust but 30knot winds blow it away.
An octagon made of sticks = a circle in any other substance
Black arrows are hard to see at night!
Face Paint runs off faces sweating prodigously

Food was actually cooked - which for Red was incredible the fact it was edible all the more astounding.

Bandit pappadumed and riced and slipped in a chocolate slice which was actually chocolate coated fat and sugar but tasted better than that sounds!

Not actually having done the run I can't comment on it. The returned hashers used words like brilliant and incredible and awesome and shit.

Crowned Mr & Mrs Movember after ruling out a couple of girls who hadn't waxed for a while and tried to do slow lane out of his Mr Movember 'tash.

Returnees NIC & Sam (it's been so long I can't remember their hash names!)

RUN #205 06DEC

Hares-Splinter, Gash & Woody

Venue-13 Shearwater

545pm leaving at 6pm

On On Barge

There may be a pool so don't wash before you come out for the run.

Monday, November 29, 2010


This'd be set by blokes for sure. Particularly where we don't tell you where it is until the last minute!

I blame barge - she sprained her ankle rather spectacularly on Thursday and couldn't type up the email. who knew she wrote with her foot? Actually it was lost in all teh other crap attached to teh email and everyone forget. Much like this one.........

1745 tonight to be transformed into a true gentleman at entrance point carpark (Ask someone for directions if you need to)

Bring torches.

Entrance Point car Park

Actual cooked food by red and bandit. Vegetarians bring something to have with rice - I couldn't be assed preparing two meals.

6.00 OFF

Torches essential. Mos would be handy but we will have fake ones for those unable or unwilling to sprout their own. Not waxing for a week or two counts as a mo.

Bring torches.

Monday, November 22, 2010

RUN#203 22NOV

Hare-Cock Up
Virgin Hare-Max no name
@44 Blackman St
Meet 545pm leave 6pm
Food & Drinks
On On Barge

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Run# 202 November 15th

Virgin Hares & Hares are-Octopussy, Spec, Butter Bitch & Perky

From-Solway oval (not the park with the play equipment), Solway Loop Cable Beach.

When-tomorrow 545pm leaving at 6pm

Food & Drink


Run#200 The Trash

How do you guys with jobs ever get time to do anything? So, obviously I’ve had to work lately and the Trash and its avid readers have become casualties. Poor Faucet, I hear you say, well, poor or not I have to get Trash 200 and 201 done so I can sleep at night. Actually if I wasn’t able to sleep at night I guess I could get up and write the Trash. Mmmm. Run 200. A momentous occasion but unfortunately it was now so long ago I forget what happened. But I have photos! Fish Fingers usually come in a pack of 15 but sadly on this occasion she was on her own and had to set the whole run alone. Actually why is she called Fish Fingers when there is only one of her. Focus I don’t have time to stuff around. Being on her own didn’t make the run any shorter. I vaguely remember running down every street in Sunset Park and Sunset Rise before getting the overwhelming desire to stop trying to find arrows and run back to the beer. I wasn’t alone. The beer was cold and plentiful so I just got one out and watched all the little orange hatted people come staggering in. Wow man those orange hats. I knew they were bright but didn’t know how bright until I saw the photos. There were lots of us and lots of hats and lots of pizzas and lots of down downs. I think it was a Cockup Red combo for the RA and even Kama got in on the act a bit. I do remember Cockup leading “Swing Low” and that’s right I remember Barge getting a little pissed and the quiet skinny fit looking guy found the $35 that the other girl lost and so he ended up with the name Pickpocket. And that’s right Yamashitta got a name extension which will really fuck up the name column width in the sign in book. Something to do with something to do with something about her name in a book. Anyway I wouldn’t have time to write it today. Ask her or Red if you really need to know. We had a couple of sacrificial virgins. They’re sort of like free entertainment these days. I guess it’s a mild form of virgin abuse but most of them seem to think it’s normal and actually seem to enjoy it. Maybe they just think we’re laughing with them and not at them. Anyway keep dragging them along guys. The one defining thing about the 200th Run was two things. The Grog was free and people actually hung around for a while and had a few. The back of Faucets ute ended up full of empty cans, bottles and pizza boxes. Two recycle bins full to be exact. Speaking of Faucet, he had to demo the Downdownpipe. This medieval piece of technical equipment, stolen from a Derby Hash ritual will become a Broome Hash tradition as well now. Not sure who when or why but someone should get it each week. A little tip here, get in early as you wouldn’t want to have to use it in the dry season. Anyway that’s enough. Sorry I have an important Trash to write. Thanks to all those people who put in to make our 200th a great run and to you others who just turned up thanks too, otherwise we’d still be sitting there buried in orange hats eating pizza. One last thing. We still have hats so if you have a friend or relative you don’t like then buy them on of these beauties for Xmas. (Broome souvenir) I’m not joking, I’m not like that. Buy one. Do it. Hey another last thing. Why don’t we see if we can sell some hats on Ebay. Broome Hash. Guantanamo Orange. Now the final last thing. Don’t forget to read next weeks Trash. Below.

Run#201 The Trash

I had to put run 201 in prior to run 200 because if I didn’t people would cheat and read them non-sequentially and that would be difficult for me to deal with and if you are actually reading this one first so that you can read them in order then you have more problems than me. Go back to the other one. If all of this doesn’t make sense to you then that’s okay, you’ll be fine. Last week was Prickly Bush and Deep Throat’s Epic run. It was a bit of mine is longer than yours run after Fish Fingers semi-marathon the week before, but hey it’s all good. I need the workout and it’s not going to kill anybody, although I think I saw Muppet and Fingers start the run but didn’t see them at the end. Not sure what happened there. All care and no responsibility. If they don’t turn up in the next few weeks we might have to replace them. I think it was our first run from Pelcan Gardens Park. Shit run of course but the food after was pretty good. Dining under the car headlights was pretty romantic. About forty hot sweaty, beer soaked bodies and in the case of Barge, Champers as well. Yes it was Barges big 100. Only the second woman in the existence of Broome Hash to have hit one hundred. She took the Downdownpipe, which was a first for a Broome woman. She did it all in front of a big crowd. Speaking of doing it in front of a big crowd, two virgins, arms locked, spinning around in a circle within a circle. We didn’t mean they had to drink their downdown while performing but they did and did it well. Cockup is still in town and RA’d. I’m guessing Mr and Mrs Anal Tool are off bonking themselves silly on their honeymoon at the moment. “Hi guys” if you’ve stopped long enough to find an Internet Café on the Galapagos Islands. I was commenting on the food to the hares and they said it took a bit of organising as they were working girls! Upon realizing their faux-pas they tried unsuccessfully to dig themselves out of the hole. I’m sure they are really nice girls with good respectable jobs and that their parents are very proud of them. Stealth and I had media charges. The downdowns were shit. Warm beer and hot coke. That left over coke from the pizza night has got to go. Slow Lane, can you bring some Matsos ginger beer next week. That’s it for me. I’m now officially caught up. See you tomorrow. When we find out where it is.

Monday, November 8, 2010

RUN #201 08NOV

Virgin Hares:- Prickly Bush & Deep Throat

Venue:- Park at Pelcan Gardens, Old Broome

Old Broome Estate, The old OTC block or Anne Street Shortcut for others.

Time:-545pm leaving at 6pm

Food & Drinks


Monday, November 1, 2010

Run#199 The Trash

Okay, I know, I’m late, but hey that’s me. We all have our talents. Speaking of which, Director likes to put on a show and of course he did so for Halloween. Last Monday night a group of Broome citizens went into the Kimberley Bookshop and came out Zombies. I was a bit scarily surprised how some people relished the opportunity to zombiefy and how some others looked so real. Hi Quickie. It was not so much of a traditional run as an orgy of running around like Zombies looking for populated places to plunder. Not many people followed my philosophy of running out in front of passing cars as I figured we were already dead that it wouldn’t hurt and if we did get hit it would give my fellow St. John volunteers a bit of a fright. Started off running through the Roey, a bit shy and then started to liven up a bit by that restaurant on the corner whose name escapes me at the moment. Not many people did the on backs as who wants to run off alone when you have other Zombies to hang with and by this stage we’d already figured we be hitting all the big spots so we headed straight to them. Coles was good, security seemed out numbered and as equally uninterested. Up the travelator through the carparks and on to see Ronald. A quick photo opp there then over to the Police station where Director pushed the red button. The cop came out as we were take the group photo under the police sign. Then retreated back inside. I suppose they deal with weirdos all the time so it was back in to eat donuts. What do Aussie Cops eat? It was then up the hill to the Mangrove. We had some enroute compliments and encouragement from our indigenous spectators. The Zombie Conga had slowed and we waited to regroup before swarming the Mangrove, except for Barge and someone else who went it alone. Not sure if it had the same effect. My guess is they just looked like a couple of weirdos. We on the other hand ran the gauntlet enmasse through the diners and across the stage and even got a mention by the band. Then we were gone. At Matsos we were told to fuck off by the manager. He gets a down down for that next week. Irish Murphys was a bit homely as it looked like a Morgue, and the girl at the Hospital couldn’t raise a smile, even when I asked her if she remembered me. Uranus was the only hospital person brave enough to come into A&E. The dark streets on the way to the Kimberley Klub were hauntingly pleasant and when we got there the taxi full of young Asian girls seemed a little distressed when AT and I opened the car door for them and the rest of the mob welcomed them out. Now I think back I don’t think they got out until we left. It was here the mob split. Some of the zombies were getting tired and headed back but a dozen of us headed west to the Boulevard. I’m just thinking of the irony of being a zombie in the Boulevard. I find it depressing, as I do all shopping centres which obviously has nothing to do with hash but just the infliction of my personal views on you if you are still reading. It’s that whole Gruen Transfer shit. Anyway back to the run. It was through Liquorland or what ever Woollies call their Liquorland then through the frozen food section and out through the checkouts where some of us appeared to be working in green shirts. It was pretty much an on home from there although Yamashitta and I popped into Blockbuster and asked the staff where the Horror section was. They just pointed blankly towards the rear wall in unison. Not sure if they epitomised the youth of today or maybe they just get bored with weird looking, sweating Zombie people coming into the store. Back at Zombie Central the beers were going down. I’m supposed to be writing a 3000 word essay on the sustainability ethics and corporate philosophy of a major corporation so I have to speed up. Circle great. One virgin. One naming. Irish guy became Urinal. Can’t work out why.

Cockup came in un zombie clothes. Food great (especially the homemade chilli burgers). Director caught on fire while BBQing and then threw burning shirt onto dry grass. Fire started, luckily Red not there. Had screen with scary video clips. All great except for the very end bit where Director discovered his expensive camera was missing. Not sure what happened to it. He was pretty distressed. If anyone has any ideas of what could have happened to it….

Tonight. Run number 200. See you there.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

RUN #200 01NOV

RUN #200 !! 01NOV
5.30pm for a 6.00 pm off porno and fishfingers

A milestone in Broome Hash. Be there!

$30.00 includes Food, Drink and commemorative, once off, souvenir, collectable, covet-able, sought after 200th Cap in startling shade of orange.
Posted by Red at 1:26 PM 0 comments

The Hare from Derby Hash - Written by Bunny Bum (with apologies to Banjo)

There was movement at the Spini, for the word had passed around
That the hare from Derby hash had got away,
And joined the wild marsh mudcrabs – running sideways cross King Sound,
So all the hashers gathered to the fray.

All the tried and noted hashers from the cities near and far
Had landed at this outpost through the years,
For the runners love hard drinking where the wild marsh mudcrabs are,
And the walkers snuff the jogging for the beers.

There was Yno, who made her stand when the kennel first set up,
The old girl with her mug filled to the brim;
And few could drink beside her when her blood was fairly up
She would quaff long after boy and man caved in.

And Dags from Hamersley came up to lend a gut,
No better drinker ever felt so harsh;
For kids nor wife could drag him while the beer still filled his cup,
He learned to drink while running on the marsh.

And one was there, a stripling like a small and weedy beast,
He was something like a saltie undersized,
With a touch of native dog - three parts wolverine at least
And such as are by global hashers prized.

He was hard and tough and wiry - just the sort that won't say die -
And silent like he had been interbred
He bore the badge of crazy in his bright and fiery eye,
And he never threw the hash splash past his head.

But still so slight and weedy, one would doubt his power to stay,
And old Yno said, "That Wolf he won’t pull through
Through a long and tiring hash halt - Wolf, you'd better stop away,
The marsh is far too flat for such as you."

So he waited sad and wistful - only Dags stayed as his friend -
"I think we ought to let him come," Dags mused;
"I warrant he'll be with us when he's wanted at the end,
And the old guy - he won’t drink all the booze.

"He hails from Derby Township, in the Kimberley’s heart,
Where the marsh is twice as wet and twice as rough,
Where your sneakers stick like glue and the mudflats never part,
The hasher that holds his own is good enough.

And the Derby Hash House Harriers on the mudflats make their home,
Where the rivers all run o’er and in between;
I have seen full many hashers since I first commenced to roam,
But a sober one departing I’ve never seen."

So Wolf went - they found the mudcrabs by the rooted mangrove clump -
They raced away towards the sloppy banks,
And old Yno gave her orders, "Let’s go at them from the jump,
And leave behind those fancy sneakers thanks.

Plain Comfy, Hungry Bum, check it left and check it right.
Send the Gump on straight - avoid false trails.”
Muffin Top and White Rabbit couldn’t keep the mob in sight,
Whilst Sphincter was just waiting for the ales.

Lucky Hooker found the trail - she was racing at the fore
Where the front running bastards take their place,
Dags said “I named her Lucky cos I couldn’t call her whore”
Well at least not out in public to her face.

They halted for a moment, and Dags handed out some splash,
Then waited for Gobble Dick’s voice to halt,
She talked and no-one listened, well except maybe for Rash,
Who drinks warm beer although it’s not her fault.

“On-on” the hashers followed, where the gorges deep and black
Resounded to the tourists and their kind,
Whilst Well Laid stumbled forward and tried to keep the track
Titsel kept falling further behind.

And sideways, ever sideways, the wild mudcrabs held their way,
Where Brahman beef and boabs both grew wide;
And old Gretta muttered fiercely, "We may bid the mob good day,
For I must walk my wife who’s growing great with child."

When they reached the river’s bank, Donkey took a pull,
Which made the ladies sharply draw their breath,
The mangrove roots grew thickly, and the hidden ground was full
Of crocodiles, and any slip was death.

But the Derby Hash House Harriers kept tramping through the mud
Clueless tooted on the horn, and cried “on-on”,
And they raced on down the river bank like the Fitzroy under flood,
The Broome hash wondered why they had all gone.

They sent the mud clods flying, and never once fell over,
They caught fresh barramundi in their stride,
The hash from Broome gave up and went home clean and sober
That Broome mob couldn’t hash deadly if they tried.

Through the mangrove swamps and shiggy, on the rough and dirty paths,
Through the packs of roaming camp dogs some call pets;
And they never lost the trail even when the sky turned dark,
So unlike the trails that Clueless usually sets.

BMW was at the front as they roamed the dark back streets,
And Two Balls looked on with loving pride,
‘Til she tripped over a mattress, became tangled in the sheets,
And nearly swept away on the outgoing tide

They lost the hare for a moment, behind the Boab Hotel
So they drank a few refreshers then drank some more
There was talk of staying ‘til Tight Nuts gave a strangled yell,
“I see a crab has got our hare between its claws”.

The hash jumped up and ran to the tide wave brown with foam
Followed trail like a mob chasing killer beef,
Till the crabs stopped cowed and beaten, Dags took the big ones home,
And they gave the hare a consolation leaf.

By now the hash was drunk and tired they could scarcely raise a trot,
And Buggsy’s thongs were looking rather drab;
Still they knew that when on home the circle would be running hot,
So they gave up and hailed a passing cab.

And in the Kimberley, where the ancient ridges raise
Their torn and rugged battlements on high,
Where the air is wet as virgins, the Derby hashers fairly blaze
‘Til midnight ‘neath the hot and humid sky,

And where around the Kimberley the grass plains sweep and sway
To the breezes, and the muddy flats are wide,
The Derby Hash House Harriers are a household name today,
It’s where the beer goes down much faster than the tide.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

RUN #200 !! 01NOV

5.30pm for a 6.00 pm off porno and fishfingers

A milestone in Broome Hash. Be there!

$30.00 includes Food, Drink and commemorative, once off, souvenir, collectable, covet-able, sought after 200th Cap in startling shade of orange.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Run#199 Oct 25

So you wanna be a zombie, hmm???

5 PM for 6 PM start -
Rear of Kimberley Bookshop.

Needing folk to turn up early please, some at 5, some at 5:15, some at 5:30 etc so that we can apply makeup.

Everyone to bring one item of old rags to wear over usual running gear - an old shirt , a hat, pants. Shred them up and we'll spray them with 'blood & gore".

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Run#198 The Trash

So the two F’s, Fingers and Fluffer set a big run out to eat oranges on the lawn at Willie Creek. The arrows were a bit sad but then rumour has it the both had big hangovers from Matso’s Oktoberfest so I guess we could cut them some slack. They managed to drag about forty of us out to get hot and sweaty and I think most of us made it home, eventually. Back at Roebuck Primary views in the pindan garden, Red and the dog and the Butterbitch led the proceedings with the hares getting down downs first. No, trouble with people putting away their drinks this time of year. We had three virgins who, following our new tradition, which changes weekly, were made to do a conga line around the drinks table. They took it in their stride and even seemed to enjoy it. Virgins are such a good laugh lately. And namings, we ended up with 5 of those. At least two of the virgins got named first night. I mean if you turn up at hash in one of the village people’s tight white singlets and blue headband and erect nipples then Tittyana sounds appropriate to me. And then if you were the person who told him what to wear to hash then you also need a name, unfortunately or luckily the name Bitch was awarded to another girl on the night, can’t remember why and hopefully won’t find out. I’m sure she’s a nice girl. So anyway back to the bitch in nature and not in name, she got called Prickly Bush which I guess is sensible if your name is Holly. Actually I thought holly was mistletoe but they are totally different things after a quick wiki. I’ll obviously need to check which prickly bush I kiss under this Xmas. And Needle Dick evolved from a compass needle which came from getting lost but hey, not my problem as my name’s easy to explain and logical. Last but not least, Cougar, which seems pretty mellow to me. What do they call dirty old men that chase young girls? I wouldn’t know. There was the few usual media candidates and Cracker just had to have one because she wasn’t in the paper this week. The batteries went flat so photos are limited this week. Also noticed there were about 15 bikes there. What healthy, enviro conscious souls we are. The food was great; sort of Nachos come chilli concarne and heaps of it. Unfortunately I have to work today. Bye.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Latest and youngest Hasher. Splinter.

Run#198 The Trash Oct 18th

Hares Fingers & Fluffer

Venue 11 Ibis Way

545pm leave @ 6pm

Food & Drinks


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Run#197 The Trash

Well, you know what they say, “tiny arrows, big run”. Well maybe they don’t say that but I can say what ever you read. So I did. Bogger and Faucet set five and a half kilometre’s of adventure, with virgin bits, holes in fences, circumfrencing of buildings and a condom tree and all within a K of the start. Unfortunately the light rain softened a few arrows and the scattered toilet paper camouflaged the flour, on the hill and believe it or not the shire actually bobcatted the drain and took out the flour which had been carefully laid there the day before. And no we didn’t kick the holes trough the fences, we just capitalised on their appearance. Good crowd again of thirty plus. Some slackers dropped out early and took to the pool and I guess in the end most people ended up in it one way or another. With A.T. away it was the night to bring out one of our new trainee RA’s and what a fine job he did. Butterbitch can obviously do more than butter bread but even with his new high profile role he didn’t get any sex that night. School night of course. Started off with accusations of a shit run and the hares took it in their stride or their stroke as the down downed in the pool. Being up the deep end made it hard to down and tread and I guess in Boggers case it was the same either end of the pool. We had a pair of virgins who in turn were baptised by the virgin RA. We had Slow Lane and Cockup back after a bit of an absence but they of course had no trouble putting their beers away. Cracker had another media down down. She’s in the media more than Julia. And Namings. The man whose wife is a pusher got called Puller and then finally after a lot of runs the fishy aquaculture girl got called Octopussy. Not sure where she keeps them all. The photo of her christening looks a bit dodgy. I was there and either it happened quickly or there is some other reason for it. Speaking of namings did you see the name Dikshit has already been taken by a woman called Shelia in India. Some Kiwi TV show host made fun of her name and lost his job. None of that in Hash. We also named our youngest Hash member, Splinter, after her new Mum and Dad. Well done Gash and Woodpecker.

Faucet did the Thai green chicken curry thing and also emptied the bottom drawer of his fridge into a pot to make a curry for the vegos. There was also some premium on special chocie chip cookies for desert. A few people stayed on for a beer and the eskies even felt remarkably lighter next day. See you all next week. Been a while since we did the Roebuck Primary School. I'm even looking forward to it.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Run#197 Oct 11

Hares: Faucet and Bogger
Venue: 10 Stewart St
Time : 5.45 for 6.00 start
Accessories: torch and towel
Food: yep

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Run#196 The Trash

Manggala banu, biny guwal wirl buru, barrgana yarri wongai. Shit, I just remembered we didn’t do a welcome to country. A.T.? Aren’t we supposed to do that and then sing God Save the Queen or something? We could all go to hell or Port headland or somewhere for our ignorance. Speaking of the Commonwealth which I sought of was, we’re getting more athletes turn up to Hash now than the Delhi Games. 33 last night. I even noticed we had two slabs of gold in the trailer. Lets see the Aussies out do that. So Bargey and “wanta have a beer with…” who’s now called Uranus set a stellar course through and around the trendy new Six Seasons estate. A bit of everything chalk, flour, pink ribbon, broken sticks and twigs, bungarra footprints. I’m just going to slip the educational section in here which I hope doesn’t confuse you too much, well actually I don’t really care if it does, I just wrote that to try and be nice but really I’m not, well actually I probably really am nice but then it would be a bit egotistical of me to waste your time reading a blog which I’ve written about myself and just waffle on crap and then follow up with something of probably little interest to anybody, except me. Did you know that in some Aboriginal languages, the sand goanna is called Bungarra, and that the term is commonly used by non-aboriginal people in Western Australia. Wikipedia knew that! Now considering most of us are imports to WA we should start talking a bit more like the locals. I actually like bungarras, they’re kind of cute. By the way it’s pronounced like they were defective arrows used by Native American Indians. Maybe check with Slang our pronunciation guru. I believe I’m waffling a bit today. I’m also cleaning the pool. I find that very relaxing.

So, anyway the run was shit, did I mention that. The circle was good. Lots of people stayed for Barge Burgers and rightly so, they were good. And dessert as well. Yum Yum. Is it childish to say Yum Yum. Depends I guess, it could be a Chinese word or a place in Guangzhou province or the heroine in Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta, The Mikado. Waffling again. AT was RA again. I think he spends aeons wondering what he can get the virgins to do each week. Four girls. Ring a ring a rosy. They all fall down (down). We had a Mandurian visitor called Pisweak which I guess could be spelt Piss Week but anyway he was pretty slow on his first down down but for his second one we sloooooowwed it riiight dooowwnnn and he had no problems at all except maybe for that thing coming out his nose (see photo). Speaking of slow, Spec was back and not leading the pack. I hope he’s okay. I didn’t recognise him at first as he had a shirt on. Namings. Always fun, unless it’s you. The crowds getting pretty tough these days, I’m glad I was named back in the milder era. The girl with the black hair was nominated as roadkill but then if you get bogged on the beach you can’t kill much, except maybe turtle eggs so she ended up with Bogger. Uranus was a big one but I cant remember why but hey who cares, its not my name and last but not least, the girl with the thing about throats and swallowing, well she somehow ended up with DeepThroat. Surprise surprise! You should choose your friends or partner carefully when they bring you along to Hash for namings, speaking of which, the dedication award of the week or actually the whole year must go to Gash who is still hashing when she’s only days away from instantly losing several kilos.
We don’t expect to see you there next week but we do expect Woodpecker to bring along the cigars.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Run#195 The Trash

What can I say? Another Shit Red run. Oh, I forgot the chalk. Oh, I forgot the flour. Oh, it’s so hot. Oh, my dress keeps riding up my arse. Toughen up bitch. Not you helper hare girl who still doesn’t have a name yet. At least you were able to drive him around to put his little notes out. Anyway regardless of all that, 15 people still turned up for the run. Even poor Faucet who forgot to bring his shoes did the run in his thongs. Please note that’s plural. But there was one saving grace. The cocktail. It may have looked like a bucket of vomit in the back of the ute but served up in fancy glasses with a strawberry embellishment it was tré flash. I think everyone enjoyed it, some even several times, The circle was small and cosy and in his inalienable style A.T. pulled out another virgin special and had the new guy hopping around in a circle on one foot. He even managed to take his down down the same way. Style. And we had a naming which is always fun. The fit looking guy who did the run with his friend the volleyball ended up being called Wilson. Tom Hanks. Castaway. Just in case you needed help. There was no food, actually there was some token nibbly shit but nothing I could substitute for dinner. There was post run entertainment with car bogging. It started with random tourists but then moved on to hashers. Actually the ones in the two wheel drives got through no probs, it was just the hare girl with no name that got her 4x4 bogged in the soft sand. We were fortunate to have AT stand around and direct procedures so any potential traffic jams were avoided. People left early to see old Buttlips. Quickie took the flash photos this week. Thankyou.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

RUN #196 4OCT - E & O E!

Hare's Barge & Duncan No Name

Venue Playground & Park on Manggala Road, Janaburu Sex Season

Time 545pm leaving at 6 pm

Food & Drinks

Torches Please

On On


Ride#2 Sun 3rd October

Hash Bash Bike Ride
Hares: Slops and Wetspot
Venue: Surf Club Carpark
Time: 2.15 for 2.30 departure
Ride $5.00 Food $5.00
Beers $3.00

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Run#194The (other)Trash

Wow! Crusty Franger. That’s all you need to get 40 people to come, well it was Monday night anyway. I think we broke all records for a numbers for a non special run. Not that all our runs aren’t special mind you. Crusty staggered in around six with a red face and SOB (that’s short of breath for the few of us who don’t work for the health department). He’d just set the run and what a shit run it was. We were chicken almost every intersiction but that helped keep the big herd together. I guess that’s a Kiwi skull or maybe even an African one. Crusty offered plenty of times to opt out as we passed close to home several times. At some stage after 27kms about 33 of us decided enough was enough and left the hare and sivin suckers run the last six km’s alone. It seemed to take a while but then we heard they got stuck into a slab of emu which slowed them down. All this was good for Franger as she toiled away in a panic making spaghetti. We moved the trailer over to the footpath under a street light opposite Frangers where Red jumped out and scared a few and Slang set up a sidewalk Tee shirt stall. The two score of us circled up while AT did his stuff. We had a few returnees, Effing still wearing the original hash loincloth from her last run. It’s pretty obvious by the lack of supply, that the latest Hash Shirts are a real ‘must have’ fashion accessory in Broome. There was some discussion about a slight change to the design for the new batch with maybe a boab or the runners holding a beer but penes, turkeys or hairy gonads never got a mention. That’s okay though as most of our visitors turn up wearing them. Porno graced us with his presence despite his hectic schedule servicing the Kimberley Communities. It was nice to see him again. For those that don’t read the blog then you won’t get this but we now know that the person in the light was not Cockup but actually Fishfingers as Red and Faucet spotted her again under a streetlight. Why does she do that? We had the Brewins from Scotland or Perth or somewhere turn up and fortunately Slang was there for translating purposes. The few of us that attempted to take off the Scottish accent ended up sounding like Raja from Mumbai trying to sell a new mobile phone. The Broons bought a virgin with them, which was a nice offering, we paired him up with the other one someone else bought along and ring a ring a rosied them into the fold. Slops did a sad shoe skol but at least she did it I guess. Crackerfat fessed up that it was her birthday and Gash put in a proxy for hers. Speaking of Gash, she’s only got 3 weeks to go before that thing that Woodpecker put in there comes out. I guess at least if she has it on a run she be well catered for by all our health professionals. We could also name it for them in the circle. Speaking of which, we have quite a few newbies waiting on names. A whisper of the Famous Five could see a quarter score of them labelled next week. We’ll need the bookworms there for that one. The Hares did a great job with the food. Spag Bol for all. I’m going to bed now, I’m tired. Oh No! Red’s been at it again. I feel like the bridesmaid. Fair enough.

Run #195 27SEP - Sunset Run - Note 5.00pm OFF!!!!

Where? - Gantheaume Point - On the Beach
When? - 5.00pm 5.00pm 5.00pm 5.00pm
What? - Run and Sunset Cocktails - No Food!!! (maybe some Maraschino Cherries)
Why? - So everyone can go to John Butler.

Run#194 - The Red Trash

What a great turn out. Seems this weather brings out runners as well as itchy patches of dry skin and hay fever.

Mixed bag of running and walking and short cutting taking place and the pack held up until they were in sight of home and the Hash Trailer full of beer - resistant though it was to tampering.

There were more accents than you could poke a pauline hansen at - We had some visitors from Perth by way of Dundee and two virgins. I believe one of them tried to cheer crusty up by telling him what a great run he'd set! What a load of shit!

Great run - novel checks. Though i wouldn't to take the front runners to the pub - none of the seem to know how to shout. Towards the end of the run as decided by the majority of the pack there was a great little double back around the construction area - my first visit to old seaview shopping centre for a few years - much in the same state of repair as when I was last there.

Long long long wait for the stragglers that actually "completed" the run and had their hash halt - though if you want the entire pack to turn up then maybe Emu Export isn't teh way to get them there - Porno certainly suck his up - still a month or two in Fitzroy'll do that.

On the subject of porno Faucet would like to apologise for mistaking Fish Finger for Cock-up and me for mistaking Crack-a's arse for butter's.....

Slang is copping some flack in her new role as Haberhasher and rightly so. I noticed she palmed of a shirt to Kamakaze which had some suspicious extra room up front, up top.

She seems to have taen to the job though setting up an impromptu stall on the foot paths for passersby.

We saw the long anticpated return of F-in after a long solo career of walking and running the streets.

Down down's there were a few and the nugget of a new virgin song and accompanying actions based on "ring a ring a rosy" was dropped from the collective creative orifice.

Stealth was photographed in someone else's dress. this seems to be a hash thing though it is usually Faucet or CIAF.

Slops wore ludicrously new and pastelly shoes that turned out to be waterproof! Handy for drinking out of though she was a little reticent.

That's all i can rember happening - the problem with haveing good beer at Hash is I drink too much of it and my recall fails. Unlike the other trasher, I don't have the benefit of photos to jog my memory - though I may have a billion more synapses then that geriatic old bastard!

There seems to be a ground swell towards having an earlier run next week which could be good. Apparently someone called John Buttlips is playing??? So it is a run and tequila sunsets at 5.00pm and screw the food! Not even Hot Chips!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Run#194 Sept 20 - The Crusty Franger Run!

Hares Franger & Crusty

Venue 6/76 Tameka Court/Robinson St

545pm leaving at 6pm

Food & Drinks


On On


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Run#193 The Trash

It has to be a shit run when you get covered in real shit. Those sprinklers on the golf course ain’t pumping out Evian. And golf courses. Is it just me or aren’t they places where you run around naked at midnight. Actually that’s probably just my memories of my youth popping in there. What ever happened to streaking? It used to be a cultural pathway in my generation. Running free. Me, Kama and Director. That thought even scares me. Move on. Anyway Monday night there was a couple of dozen of us running/walking clothed around the light industrial area, golf course and sewerage ponds of beautiful Broome. Kama and Cock in a Frock set the run which started off with a nicely packed bunch and ended with a big on home which left us slackers getting back one beer behind the fast guys.

AT was the RA in what was a fairly normal circle after a few biggies like Shinju and the AGPU. No one’s been naughty or in the media or wearing new shoes so it was hard to dish out the down downs. Franger and Quickie had one for something and the people without hash shirts obviously had to have one. Crusty had one for some reason and that was about it. And Finger!

The food was a new thing with Kama organising the Cuban pizza guy with his portable pizza oven to do the Hash nosh. Not bad either. On On Bye Bye.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Run#193 Sept 13

Hares:-Kama & Cock in a Frock
Please park on the nature strip outside No 27 Dora Street [The number 27 is painted on the curb]
Don't park on the Guy Street nature strip under any circumstances all parking to be in Dora street.
Baloons will be placed on a gap in the fence to mark the entrance in Dora Street. Go to unit 2 the
middle unit. for the On On Venue.
Thanks for your co-operation

Meet 545pm Leave 6pm
Food & Drinks
Torches Please
$5 Run $5 Food
$3 Beer

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Run#192The Trash

AGPU. Well none of this political hung parliament shit for Broome Hash. No back room deals, independants, postal votes PMs or GG’s. Get a circle, A.T. just says who wants to be GM. Barge says Faucet. He says well.. um.. and then he downs a beer and its all over. And all the ministries go to the same suckers as last year unless they’re old and cagey enough like Muppet to weasel out of it. And Red even if you do turn up late in your fancy clothes you still keep your job. In fact even if you don’t turn up you’re still in. Congrats Slow Lane. Not to downplay the effort put in by those said people who keep the club running. Westpac Hash Cash, Barge Hash Sex (she spells it differently), Hash Trash and I guess Flash, Faucet and the new Haberdash, Slang. We also have some depth in the RA’s with AT, Slow, Red, Faucet, Cockup and the new trainees Butterbitch and I think Slang and Fish Fingers (I think that’s right). Hash other stuff like trailers is usually sorted by Conchie although that wasn’t mentioned. And Red did the shirts. Director retains the strategic events portfolio and last but not least the Old man Kama remains the old barstard who started it all. He got a late pass from Germanus Kent to attend the evening. Fortunately it was a pram and walking frame friendly run. Yeh right! And all those Hares who set trails and fed people, better thank ourselves for that too. If I’ve forgotten anyone, bad luck, I don’t like you or I forgot or I just got sick of writing stuff. Wow this has gone on longer than the actual AGPU. For those of you having trouble dealing with all the acronyms, S.S.! Well I don’t have to spend too much time writing about the run. It was shit.

There were several hundred of us for the circle which is pretty good as we didn’t mention the evening was gratis. Heir Westpac and Hare Anal Tool had to take the first of hundreds of down downs. Mac the Mouth was there to show us how practice makes perfect. Virgins. Ring a ring a Rosey??? A.T. where are you getting all this shit from. It’s great. I’m glad I’ve already lost my virginity. We had a few returnees. Old faces and old bodies. We had two namings which was cool. The Don was almost christened Priscilla but at the last minute got renamed Cock in a Frock so CIAF it is. You know how it happens, you can act like Ghandi all your life but sniff a seat, have sex with a goat or wear a dress and that’s all people remember. Not that I was thinking Cock in a Frock was like Ghandi. Maybe poor? And the blondie girl who hasn’t been for a while ended up being called Floater. Shit Name. Something to do with floating around on True North while the rest of us were working.

The source of power of any Hash would have to be the Esky and ours now has a dual purpose. It is an Honour Board for the legends who have done a hundred. Well done guys and girl and Conchie. Speaking of honour we also acknowledged those Dragon Boat legends with an impromptu boat race. My side won. I’m nearly finished. Food. As always, new, interesting hearty and plentiful. Well done guys. I’m stopping now.

Friday, September 3, 2010

RUN #192 6SEP

AGM Run 6 Sept 14 Goshawk Loop, Roebuck AT & West Pac. Torches, Food and Drink in any order. Stay on to avoid getting "volunteered" for the shit jobs getting doled out at the AGM immediately after the run.

Special AGPU Run (pram friendly route)

Hares AT & Westpac

Sept 6th

14 Goshawk Loop, Roebuck

Meet 545pm leave at 6 pm

Food & Drinks

Torches Please!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Run#191 The Trash

Shinju Matsuri translates into big crowd shit run. And it was. We are rapidly becoming the leading Shinju icon event. We even pulled in people from Derby and Perth. Fortunately those guys are more in to drinking than running so having the run ending up at a bar meant we wouldn’t lose anyone. The hares, Slowlane and Red set the run and divided up the jobs. Apparently Red was to set the shit run and Slowlane was to try and blame Red for everything that went wrong but I figure if they stop the run setting halfway through for a coffee at Kool Spot then they’re both to blame. We should have known better as we stood around and listened to Prof,Red explain his sidewalk etchings. After the confusing run around old Broome with the hares repeatedly telling us not to follow the frequently marked walkers trail we ended up back at Matso’s where things picked up. The 60 or so of us gathered in the Hash Corner of Matso’s for the largest hash circle we’ve ever had. We berated the hares and welcomed the guests. Mac the Mouth from Hamersley Hash handed out some hashish stuff and they sang their club song. We don’t have one of those but I guess we should get one. A night of alcohol indulgence with a pen and paper may be in order. Dags from Derby and his cohorts arrived by bus and I don’t really recall seeing them on the run. Maybe they shortcutted directly from Bedford Park to Matso’s! They plugged their 500th Run in October up at Middle Lagoon which some of us are attending. Could be a good show. We had lots of virgins but we didn’t make them have down downs for some reason which sounded plausible at the time. While all this was happening we enjoyed a keg of Matso’s finest beer and Ginger Beer. And toiling away in the background was Director pumping out an endless supply of snags. There was more sausage and beer than I could handle and I had to head home early but a few people looked like they were looking to settle until stumps. The hash flash couldn't handle the crowds and went flat so if you have any pics? Any postings?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Run#191 August 30

Hare/s Red & Slow Lane. Second Annual Shinju Run Bedford Park Run from 5.30pm followed by BBQ and a keg at Matsos. $10.00.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Run#190 The Trash

Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free;
We’ve golden soil and wealth for toil;
Our home is girt by sea;
Our land abounds in nature’s gifts
Of beauty rich and rare;
In history’s page, let every stage
Advance Australia Fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Advance Australia Fair.
Beneath our radiant Southern Cross
We’ll toil with hearts and hands;
To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands;
For those who’ve come across the seas
We’ve boundless plains to share;
With courage let us all combine
To Advance Australia Fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Drink it down down down….

Well there ya go Slang, now you’re an Aussie you can sing this every morning when you get up, like we all do. You know how people just hum bits of songs they don’t know and sing the chorusy bits well I was amazed when I looked up the words to AAF and realised it’s probably the first time I’ve ever seen them. With who’ve and we’ve and girt and abounds and joyful strains and boundless plains how the hell do new Australians understand what it’s all on about. Maybe it’s just me; maybe I should stop crapping on and write the blog. Slang set the run with Muppet who finally got her legs out of the air for long enough to chalk and flour the streets of Cable Beach and Minyir Park. Shit run but over thirty people turned up to do it. We must be starting to draw attention to ourselves as we run en mass in our multi-coloured regalia. I’ve even succumb to buying a colour shirt so I look like all you other yobos.
The circle was huge, with everyone getting just over a ten degree share. I’m assuming that went over your heads so read on. We had lots of returnees, a visitor and only one virgin which means there mustn’t be much on tele or sex is over-rated or they’re already banged up. Congrats Maestro and Arseabout. We had a naming or maybe we didn’t, I can’t remember. We had a few media fines for Red, Cracker and Butterbitch. The Tri crew had to drink a beer for training. Faucet was made have a down down for a slight error in dates for the dragon boat training but he had an excuse as 100 out of 99 people suffer from dyslexia and he also has early onset dementia. There were a few who made some effort in the dress up department with Rash wearing a nice Aussie cape and Softy wearing the pants to match. The Food. Traditional Aussie Butter Chicken and Rogan Josh with rice, Indian poppadums and Aussie chocy sided drop bears for desert. Sort of a biblical loaves and fishes effort for Slang to feed so many people. Almost everyone stayed for dinner. Her reputation for shit runs and good food was unfortunately ruined by the run. Blame Muppet.

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Derby 500 - Not a Motor Race!

When: 22nd and 23rd October 2010
Where: Middle Lagoon, Dampier Peninsula
Registration fee: $50
Friday night Pre-amble: Boat races
Saturday morning: Massive R&R
Saturday afternoon: 500th Run starts 3.00 pm, run finishes about 5pm
Saturday night: BBQ and Camp oven Dinner with entertainment that’s anything but!
Sunday morning: Recovery run for those who are able!
Accommodation options for the 22nd 23rd of Oct, for Middle Lagoon
Semi Self Contained $150pn (up to 4 people) limited available
Powered Camping Site $20pp / pn
Unpowered Camping Site $15pp / pn
Book through Derby Visitor Centre
9191 1426 (1800 621 426)
Registration Form:
Sex: Boobs / Balls / Both
Hash Name:
Home Hash:
Shirt*: Yes / Nah bugger it (*Extra $30 per person)
***Contact Dags to RSVP and pay ***
***0419 917 075***
***Westpac - BSB: 036 187 ACT: 170 783 Darren Cross***

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

RUN #190 23AUG


Where-Unit 7, 29 Hay Rd

Theme-Aussie Run

545pm 4 6 off

Food & Drinks

On On


Run#189 The Trash

Well then. It’s been a while since a normal Roebuck Estate run. You know the sort where you run around through a suburb of similar houses in repetitive curved, circular dead-ended streets and winding pindan drains. Back fences and barking dogs but this time we got to look for pink and blue tape instead of flour (I guess you could call it a gluten free run). Actually we may have to peruse the OH&S regs to see if it’s safe to follow tapes hidden in trees while running in the dark. It may be fine for a Woodpecker but a bit tricky for the rest of us. Regardless of the trail it seemed to end up with the same result of Roey runs where the pack gets split up and only those who run with the hare make it home on time. Didn’t hear the trumpet after the first corner.

I think it was two dozen that went out and about 24 came home. Red and the Ruby Dog took on the RA role. We toasted the pair of big bellied hares, Gash and Woodpecker for a shit run and I think I saw Gash’s beer end up on Woody’s head.

We had a few returnees like Slowlane and Perky and just the one virgin. She seemed a bit of a slow skoller but made up for it by trying to start early, even before we sang the virginsong. Considering it’s probably our best song we had to start her off again but then she ended up going for the beer shampoo option. We had another naming this week with the young blonde doctor ending up with Fingers. Something to do with an old injury??? It was almost Fingered but it was a few of the older males who whimped out on that one. I think there could be a few risqué names now that we have Wetspot on board. Virgins beware. The big item for the night after a section of adds on Dragon boats, Triathalons and dog bondage was the acknowledgement of the current old man of Hash’s one hundredth run. As one of the founders of our current Hash it took a while but he finally made it. This is a good time to call him a fuckwit as I can do this as he never reads the blog anyway. Wanker. No not really, He’s actually a bit of a legend even if he is mellowing with age. Well done Cockup.

Last but not least was the food. Everyone queued up like Afghani refugees post Ramadan to devour a whole pot of Chile con carne which was pretty good and then followed up by some yummy chocky caramel slice thingy. A couple of beers, a nice chat and a pleasant Monday evening. .