Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Run #157 Mon 4th

Run: 157
Hares: Girl H with no name and Faucet
Where: 8/49 Fredrick St (Access from end of Walcott St next to Kimberley Klub).
Time: 5.45 for 6.00 off
Food and drinks
Torches

Run #156 The Trash


What Can I say? Well actually I can say whatever I like. Run number 156. What a fantastic run. Beautiful location, great trail markings, variety of terrain, magnificent sunset , cool Indian Ocean breezes, a chance to run on the famous Broome racecourse, a water crossing and all set over a nice length run (unless you were Spec and took the 2km detour around the water obstacle). So where the fuck was everybody? No singing, no Roebuck Primary. You can’t use the fact that you were away on holidays as an excuse. We have lots of daily flights now so you could have flown home for the run. Oh well, your loss. Anyway the fantastic seven of us were treated to Faucets legendary Sausage Scroll thingies. Catered for twelve and we nearly polished them all off. Lucky they have lots of healthy vegies in them. Great to see Fish Fingers back and in good form, leaving her boss in her wake. A couple of no namers were back and keen although one of them sneaked off early with Bee Knees to avoid the water obstacle. Obviously didn’t want to get their petticoats wet. And Muppet the stayer dragged herself off the couch to clock up run number 83. What dedication. Not much else to say really. A bit silly singing songs when there are only 7 people but we did. And for something intelligent. Did you know that the word Queue still sounds the same if you take away the last four letters. I know, how do I keep coming up with such amazing things?
Next week. First run of theyear. Run off the holiday excess (and then eat and drink some more).
It will be at Hilary's, that's the person not the place. Details to come.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Run #155 The Trash





Ho Ho Ho. The Xmas Run. What a bunch of wankers. 13 in fact. We started at the prison and probably lucky we didn’t end up there. Following our hare Directors call sheet we ran the gauntlet of venues that had any possible audiences to hear the Hash Choir. The McDonalds version of the 12 days of Xmas was good but the staff didn’t quite get it. The run past the visitor centre brought on the first of 2 impromptu performances when the Greyhound bus pulled in. At the Laundromat we listened to Slang as she sang solo, her rendition of some crude English carol and then had our first beverage from the barrow. A quick rehearsal of that carol with the fa la la la la bits in it and it was on to the stage for the real thing at the “Checkouts in Coles”. We performed well under the flouro lights. Then off to the Lustre Bar where we received our first applause. As a choir member this was a touching moment for me but unfortunately we had no time for autographs as our hectic schedule had us performing at the Roey two minutes later. All the patrons at the Roey got right into Directors version of Frosty the Snowman. One of them did a little dance and the other took a picture on her mobile phone. Our cultural moment came when we sang one of the more traditional Christmas ballads to a family sitting by a fence on Kennedy Hill. We shared the barrow push and I think Slow Lane pushed it up the Hill to the Mangrove. The solo patron in the bar at the Mangrove was probably happy to see a crowd appear but sad when we just sang and ran. Matsos were so happy to have us perform there they even shouted us a ginger beer. I guess that made us a professional choir. No time for self adulation as we had to get over to the Mecure to sing to the diners. It was a large audience for us but we were becoming bolder and trying to get them to join in or at least skol their beers at the end. A round of applause sufficed. A quick top up from the barrow and out through the back of the Conti to the Hospital. This was the only venue where we had stage issues. We finally ended up in the Emergency Department. Thankfully to those of us who work or have connections with the hospital we managed to get in and out without recognition. There was a moment of hesitancy when we saw sad, sick people waiting in the waiting room so we sang quietly, in harmony and brought big smiles to their faces. The looked so happy I’m guessing they got up and left just after we ran out the door. Director was happy to leave off the last venue as the time was getting on but we were fired up and wanted to keep going. Blockbuster was a great closing location for us as we got to mingle with the stars, even if they were only cardboard cut-outs and on DVD cases. It was OnOn Home from there. Surprisingly, most people took to the pool so we had the circle there. Slow Lane led the proceedings and man who looks just like Santa with beard issues, Director, took the first Downdown as the Hare. Faucet celebrated his 50th run and received his commemorative mug which he downed with ease (and pleasure). Slang got charged for something, I can’t remember what but I’m sure she deserved it. For the first time in a long time we were virginless. I guess they thought we wouldn’t run in the wake of Cyclone Laurence but they were wrong. We always run (unless it snows)! We also had a naming with Nic getting christened Perky. Something to do with the cool temperature of my pool and her attire. The Food. Not only had Director put lots of effort into rewording the carols but he been hard at work in the kitchen and we got to eat Turkey and roast potatoes and two bowls of other stuff that I don’t recall eating at Xmas but were tasty all the same. And the smart bit at the end. I have discovered that it is highly unlikely that the Santa/Sleigh thing is real. Sorry if this has come as a shock to you but I was reading up about reindeer antlers, as we all do from time to time and I discovered that male reindeer loose their antlers in the spring and females in the summer which means that not only is this a long sentence but that if there was a Santa then his sleigh must have been pulled by female reindeer as the antlers are what set his sleigh apart from other flying objects. All the photos I have seen show antlers and many of the reindeer have boy names. I feel I’m beginning to ramble here. Bye.

Oh. The run was 4.3kms by the way.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

RUN #156 28DEC

HARE:FAUCETT

MEET AT:Interpretation Shelter near the lighthouse at Gantheaume Point


TIME: 545 FOR 6 OFF


YES FOOD & DRINKS


TORCHES


ON ON
BARGE

Thursday, December 17, 2009

RUN #155 21DEC RETURN OF THE WHEELBARROW

HARE:DIRECTOR

XMAS WADDLE WALK FEATURING THE HASH-BARROW,
SILVER BELLZ
MUSCLETOES,
& SONGS

Starting from: Faucet's B&B
10 Stewart St (swimming pool)



FOOD , DRINKS & a few SURPRISES! hohohehe!!!

TORCHES PLEASE
XMAS ATTIRE WELCOMED



530PM WADDLING OFF AT 6PM


ON ON

DIR.

and FAUCET, don't be late...

oh, right..

ok.


DIRectors - CONTACT PHONE:
91922380

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Run #154The Trash










I have a concern. Muppet and Fish Fingers set the trail on the weekend but when we turned up on Monday night for the run; Muppet and Porno were there but Fish Fingers nowhere to be seen. Until meal time when she perhaps turned up on the plate! Is there some sort of weird love sex triangle thing going on here? What were these weird drawings on the run? Why did Muppet borrow my mulcher on Saturday? Why were there so many fish fingers? And do fish really have fingers? Too many questions for such simple folk. Anyway despite starting to eat our members we’re still getting good numbers turn up for runs. The run was shit of course, no-one died, no-one got lost, not even Radar but at least we didn’t go through the Primary school. Slang appeared late in the middle of the run and a few of the fast boys and Quickie looked like they’d been swimming or at least got a good workout. Slow Lane was the RA, unfortunately a couple of his more amusing remarks were wasted on those few people not paying attention. Slang copped lots of flak for her antics as the evil enforcer last week but this week was much mellower. So sweet! We had a couple of virgins and repeat virgins who must be ready for a naming soon. Probably going to be unfortunate if they get a hash name that has something to do with food! Half-arsed returned with a child which I think was his, Shrink was back and flashing her sexy look but who the fuck is the person in the other photo? My fault I guess, I just put the camera down and....

Faucet ended up having a down down for wearing a dress and a wig on Friday night, I thought I was quite hot. He shared his down down with Slow Lane but I can’t remember why but it seems to happen a lot. Can’t he drink on his own? The Fishfingers were good, fresh and lots of them and the chips yummy. I ate them as if I knew nothing. Pash didn’t get a mention this week. Oh shit, yes she did.

And second last but not least the bit of factual information for those requiring some cerebral stimulation. Did you know that the first cyclone to be named in Western Australia was called Bessie in 1964? They then named cyclones after women until 1975 when they began alternating them with male names. Pretty cool.

And last. Next Week. Lots of Fun. Last run before Xmas, My 50th(run). Director, wheel barrow, xmas carols and hopefully the real fishfinger. Ho Ho Ho. .

Hash Xmas Party

Time to use that picture is worth a thousand words thing again.








Friday, December 11, 2009

Change of venue

Hash Xmas party now at 10 Stewart st. (opp courthouse) due to bad weather

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Run #153 The Trash


Well finally I’ve got some good smutty gossip about a couple of hashers, thanks to Slang and Pash. Unfortunately Slang told me not to say anything and considering the way she viciously “iced” the face of a virgin when she was down down enforcer on Monday, I’m too scared to say anything. So I guess it’s just “our” little secret. Shame. The Run. Not Bad for a Roey run, No Roey Primary School. Yeh. Pink Bits and Barge were the Hares and wanted to make sure we earned our beers. Barge might have short legs but sets long runs. They kept the pack together well and made Spec do lots of work checking out the falsies. Good to see Quickie back but 4 weeks holiday had slowed her down. Better effort than Slow Lane though, who turned up late, slapped himself in the face a bit then poured water on his head and said he’d just had a good work out. There was a great Hash Halt at Divers where Pink Bits confused the poor barmaid so much we ended up with a couple of free jugs of beer. The Virgins were a bit worried about drinking in the middle of the run, but they got over it and joined in. It was a long on back from Divers to Kestral especially if you followed the racey Barge down the first falsie or one of the virgins who takes you on the long route. It was great to have Slow Lane back to run the circle and supply the Matso’s ginger beer. Not that I particularly like ginger beer but everyone else seems to. It’s so strange that everybody is weird except me. I guess I’m getting used to that now though. The circle had three virgins which was great to see and we have a few old virgins who are turning up regularly and will soon need names, so start thinking. We did have the naming of the little girl lost who was christened Radar mainly due to her first effort out in Sunset Park where we unsuccessfully sent out a search party for her. Radar of course is a palindrome. No, Fish Fingers, not one of those things you ride bicycles around. I think she’s the only palindrome we have so it’s pretty exciting. Right.
We had a couple of returnees and sang a dismal farewell song to Flasher who’s finally realised we’re just a bunch of losers and is heading south. Slang took on the role of enforcer with relish. Hopefully next week she’s mellowed out a bit or we might have to hand cuff her to a post.
Food. Enough chilli con carne (or whatever you would call it) for all of Roebuck estate and was great. I had two helpings. It’s okay to eat and drink more at Xmas so you get fat and make Santa feel a little less obese. Speaking of Santa and Xmas, don’t forget to turn up on Friday for our Xmas Party. Wear something beginning with H. At first I was thinking of coming as a hormone but that’s just a noise so I’ll have to think of something else. Get back to work. See you tomorrow. This is what lots of guys are dreaming about at Xmas!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Hashmas Party 11DEC

Posted by Picasa

Run #153 MON 7DEC

HARE:PINK BITS & CO-HARE:BARGE

16 KESTREL PLACE, ROEBUCK EST

FOOD & DRINKS

TORCHES PLEASE


530PM LEAVING AT 6PM

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Run #152 The Trash



Well it was Mama Muppet and Papa Faucet and the kids running around old Broome and Chinatown on a Monday night. Young F’ing the hare set a short but fast course as opposed to the marathon she set last time. Spec for a change wasn’t the first one to the first check but only because he was just arriving as we took off. Once the jelly beans kicked in he set a blistering pace and much to F’ings disbelief he seemed to avoid all the false trails. There was no shortage of arrows arrows arrows arrows arrows . Maybe F’ing knocked off all of Tugs arrows from last week. Barge barged through the drain behind the visitors centre and ended up with brown spots on the back of her legs which looked a little sus. Up through the Coles carpark and down the stairs and then on past the Roey where the girls got whistles and drink offers. I didn’t. Up Kennedy Hill where I occasionally get a whistle and a drink offer but not that night and then on home down the other side to Captains by the Bay. Lots of cold beer, a great pool and luxurious surroundings. The kids were reasonably well behaved except for a couple of the older ones like Barge and Slang.
Pash turned up late. Apparently she had a good excuse because she’d spent the last week bonking old boyfriends on boats and buses and trains up and down the west Australian coast and didn’t need the exercise. That may be a slight exaggeration but hey, I’m short on smutty gossip so it will have to do. Faucet ended up the default Religious Adviser for the evening as the regular ordained ones were away. We had the circle in the pool which was pretty cool. 3 virgins who managed to put away their cold down downs in the required time. Muppet quietly sneaked through without mentioning it was her 80th run. That’s just over one a year. As usual there were a couple of charges but I can’t
The food as usual was great. F’ing served up her signature rissoles, some long snags and a couple of salads. A rissole of course is from the Latin russeolus, meaning reddish, via French in which "rissoler" means "to [make] redden" and is a small croquette, enclosed in pastry or rolled in breadcrumbs, usually baked or deep fried. It is filled with sweet or savoury ingredients, most often minced meat or fish, and is served as an entrée or main course. In Portugal, rissoles are known as rissóis (singular "rissol") and are usually filled with cod, minced meat, shrimp or (less frequently) chicken or a combination of cheese and ham. The Australian rissole like F’ings is generally made from minced meat without a pastry covering, but sometimes with breadcrumbs. The New Zealand rissole is much the same as the Australian rissole but may contain diced yellow onion and cooked on a BBQ as a healthier option during summer. A sausage of course in all countries just looks like a long, skinny, sun weathered penis.
We made ourselves at home in the flash surrounds and if it wasn’t for having to work the next
day I don’t think people would have left.The big run was a bit too much for one of the little tackers.(or maybe her boss overworks her!)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Run #151 The Trash


The woman that lives next to me is a dickhead. Yet another virgin run. How nice. I remember my first time in the back of my Cortina. Sorry, having trouble focusing today. Talking of saying sorry as English people often do, last weeks run was set by Mr and Mrs Tug. Tug was full of apologies as we ran around Cable Beach looking for marks that had just disappeared. At first I thought they had just drawn arrows in the sand with a stick and the wind blew them away, but no, I did find a couple of tiny remnants of flour on one of the dunes. My guess is that as Mr Tug was dropping the flour Mrs Tug was running behind collecting it up again to use in the yummy desert she made. We had a nice run up over the dunes along the beach and back over the dunes on a different path. It’s always so nice when you get up on top of the dunes and look out over Broome. The trail through 6 seasons was a bit dodgy. Tug didn’t even seem to know where it was supposed to go. I’m thinking now that maybe he gave the kids five bucks and got them to set it. Anyway, there was a Hash Halt and we found that or it found us and we were able to refuel. Except the walkers. I trumpeted but to no avail, they didn’t show up. So we headed off and after losing the arrows again we reverted to our sheep mentality and just followed the person in front, or beside or even behind and had a nice workout back to the Tug house. A couple of the girls went for a dip in the pool and that childish Barge woman squirted Faucet in the crutch with the kid’s water pistol. The circle was led by Cockup for what may be his last run up here for a couple of months. We had four virgins. I always feel like I’m writing something naughty when I write virgin. Virgin. Virgin. Virgin. I don’t understand why as I don’t feel anything when I write Qantas. I can’t remember what people were charged for, not even me. I do know that bitch Fish Fingers with the down down enforcer cup poured ice water on my head even before the chant was half way through. If anyone ever remembers any significant down down charges then just post them on the comment page of the relevant blog. And thankyou to those who do post comments as I enjoy reading crap as well as writing it. The food was great. I think everyone had seconds except for the Tug family who would have had to have thirds and fourths and food all week. Hash is definitely worth it just for the food lately. The evening ended for me when I left, which would be pretty obvious. I couldn’t stay any longer listening to Cockup strumming the guitar although the tug children seemed in awe of his skill. So final critique. Good shit run for first time tuggers. Always good to have new people set runs as it adds variety and new ideas.
Now remember it’s Xmas time and we all drink too much and eat too much and get fat so it’s extremely important to come along to Hash this time of year and do some running and wobble off a few grams of fat. Next week at Captains should be great. Really nice location, almost as nice as my place. Turnip.
Oh Shit I almost forgot something educational (except for the first sentence). Tasmania is the southern most state of Australia.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Run #152 30NOV

HARE:F'ING

VENUE:CAPTAINS BY THE BAY, HAAS ST


SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS:BRING A TORCH AND YOUR TOGS!! SO YOU CAN SEE WHEN YOUR SWIMMING ERR RUNNING!!


FOOD & DRINKS


530 FOR 6

ON ON BARGE

Friday, November 20, 2009

RUN #151 24NOV

HARES: TUG & JANELLE (N'TOW??)

VENUE:12 SMIRNOFF, CABLE BEACH

TIME:530PM FOR 6PM OFF!

FOOD & DRINKS

TORCHES ARE ADVISABLE

ON ON

BARGE

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Run #150 The Trash


Shit. People are actually reading this blog now so it looks like I’ll have to stop swearing and use bigger, more smarter words. Firstly I should warn readers that this blog contains a picture of a male penis but I guess it’s too late now (you already looked at it didn’t you and yes it is very small). I’m going to start off with ISOTH I guess, who we all know is the Greek God of Running and not the shelia on the right in the dress. Our flash new Hash shirts (thanks Red) pay homage to this mythical legend who is said to be able to sip from the gilded chalice of Minyirr without spilling a drop. Legend also has it that he set trails in Peloponnese that even the roman chariots failed to conquer. Peloponnese of course is the most southern state of Greece, if you exclude the islands of Crete and South Aegean which of course you would. This would be a good moment to change to Phthalates. Although this sounds like another Greek God we all know he isn’t or at least you will soon. Besides being almost impossible to say, phthalates are a class of widely used industrial compounds known technically as dialkyl or alkyl aryl esters of benzenedicarboxylic acid. There are many phthalates with many uses, and just as many toxicological properties. Intentional uses of phthalates include softeners of plastics, oily substances in perfumes, additives to hairsprays, lubricants and wood finishers. That new car small which becomes especially pungent after the car has been sitting in the sun for a few hours is a popular Broome example. Why am I going on about this? Because I can. But also because the phthalates dibutyl phthalate (DBP) and diethylhexyl phthalate (DEHP) can produce dramatic changes in male sexual characteristics. These changes include increases in the rates of hypospadias and other indications of demasculinization. At this stage you may be saying what the fuck are you talking about but stick with me as it will soon become clear. Although I’m no Ichthyologist (it’s real, you can look it up) I have figured something out. The 150th Run was set by Red and Faucet and was a good solid workout. But, from 27 starters only 4 guys finished the entire run. Except for Pash and Slang and Tug and someone else who sort of missed the very last bit through no fault of their own. No-one got lost except for that girl from an air express company and we had trouble locating her as she had no tracking number or con note. I believe she was packaged correctly in a hash isoth shirt so she should have been pretty easy to find but…

Anyway back to my central thesis. 27 minus 4, minus another 4, minus 1 equals 18. Which calculates to a bunch of 18 girls (or boys exposed to phthalates) that couldn’t hack the pace. WE'RE TURNING INTO A BUNCH OF GIRLS! Now I also have a new concern. Do our new flash Hash shirts contain any phthalates? (Maybe that's why Kama didn't get a shirt). If they do then the few male hashers we have in this club may soon see their tackle shrivel up and we’ll all end up becoming the Harriets. You may laugh but lately I feel I have been developing breasts. Or maybe that’s the hormones in the chickens or the beer. I’m sorry but I have to do some work so I can’t continue on forever with this plenteous dribble.

The run was fantastic. Just so you know, all runs that I help set will be fantastic if I’m the one writing the blog. It was set for the big runners like Spec, Slow Lane and Quickie who unfortunately were unable to turn up. Halfarsed, Conchie and a couple of others had a go but it was a big ask. Cockup made one when he called an on back for two dots that was really one dot with a bicycle track through the middle. Barge lead the pack up the hill to the water tower which of course was an on back. We had a hash halt in the drain at the end of Sanctuary where the real men drank beer from glass bottles and the girls drank cold water from a phthalatic water cooler using phthalatic plastic cups. The walkers on homed to the surf club and we rode the last of the runners into the ground through the back streets of Sunset Park.

Back at the Surf Club, Arseabout, Maestro and Director had worked hard behind the scenes to compliment a great run with food and song. The circle was lead by Cockup who paid homage to our GM Kamakazie and to all who helped make Broome Hash the most successful Broome Hash in Broome. There were lots of down downs of which I can’t recall but when the November photos get put on the blog you’ll be able to see them. You know what they say “a pictures worth a thousand words”. I guess that means I could have just taken a photo of a poo and stuck it on the blog and save myself two hours of writing. It’s nearly finished. I’m guessing Arseabout and Maestro made the cool cocktails in which we partook. She also made these really cool cup cakes with 150 on them. I had two and put three bucks in the jar but no-one else seemed to bother. We had some yummy stuff from Zanders and some pizzas which I never got around to trying but they looked good. Muppet and I cleaned up the last of the wedges. As the night came to a close the usual stragglers and a couple of others sat around the bucket of wisdom and talked crap. It would have been really cool if we’d picked up the bucket, passed it around and drank from it until all the sangria was gone. I guess it was a plastic bucket and those phthalates took over again.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Run #149 The Trash




WELCOME to the Roebuck Bay Primary School Hash House Harriers. We are a fun loving group of total fucking losers who meet on Monday nights to run through Roebuck Primary School. We have such fun. We draw arrows which get rubbed out by the kids or sometimes washed away by the sprinklers which makes it even more exciting than you could ever imagine. So, if you’ve ever wanted to lurk around a primary school after dark then we’re the group for you.

Right, now that’s off my chest, the run was set by the three stooges or is that an old people joke. The run was set by Commando, Shrink and Pussy. Fortunately Commando came along or we would have been totally lost. Shrink n' Pussy stayed home and did the food. We quickly left Roebuck for the better class of trail in Sunset Park where money is no object and there were plenty of pretty pink P arrows to follow. They just kept heading to the Surf Club but when we arrived we found we were a week to early for the 150th run. Fortunately there was a nice APT truck there with booze. Slang mentioned something about it being the best thing she could ever ask for. That’s sad. But then she also shoved her torch in her mouth and pointed out if you do that and you have a cleft palate then the light shines out your nose, or something like that. Where did we find this girl? We did the Broome tour in the truck back to the Jigal house. Cockup took too long to drop the truck off so Faucet was called on to do the Religious duties for the evening. Fifteen women and only five guys, it was sort of like one of those dreams I used to have when I was younger or like those nightmares I have now. Sorry to jump from first to third person when I write but Faucet doesn’t care. Three hares down down,, two cane toad visitors and one virgin. The Visitors said their names were Jackoff and Wombat (no where near as pretty as our Wombat) but it sounds sus to me. They started in Cairns Hash then moved to Darwin Hash and now there checking out Broome Hash. Mmmm. Dodgey. We also had two namings. Faucet got lucky, having two girls kneel down in front of him. As predicted, Fish Fingers is now officially called Fish Fingers and the girl with more studs than Bart Cummings ended up being called Tackle Box. At least if she gets lost on a run we’ll be able to find her with a metal detector. We had a nice song selection for the evening although the farewell song for Commando had that real naughty word in it. If my mother finds out I said it I’ll get my mouth washed out with soap again. Food. Yes, Food. It was great. They might set a crap run but they make a mean curry with all the trimmings. For $5 it was a better bargain than you’d get in Bombay which is now called Mumbai of course and is the capital of the Indian state of Maharashtra. I’m trying to educate you stupid people who have actually read this far down the blog. Haven’t you got work to do? Goodbye and don’t forget that next weeks 150th run is at the Surf Club which is located no where near Roebuck Fucking Primary School.